having words you want to say to W it sounds like you are still trying to change her.
This:
Originally Posted By: from the book
If you try to change your mate so that you will be happier, you actually weaken your marriage by making the marriage relationship a more unsafe place for your mate.
is finally sinking in. How many times have I read it here and everywhere else? Been counseled?
What I want to say, or be able to say, is something like, "W, please forgive me for all the time I have been trying to change you in so many ways. I was wrong in trying to teach you, blame you, criticize you, judge you, and yes, manipulate and bully you. I will strive to never again try to change you or to criticize you. We won't ever agree on everything, but I'll strive not to judge you. I have changes I need to make in my life, and they are between me and God. If you have changes you need to make, they are between you and God"
Not sure if, or when it would be appropriate to say, but I THINK it's what needs to be in my heart, in order to truly start to detach.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
