Time for the Loop the Loop on this rollercoaster!

[AnotherStander]

That is, to show my wife that I am a better.option, to show her how desirable she is to me, to make her feel loved and appreciated.

I just don't see that tactic working at all. That's what you should have done before she became a WAS, but it doesn't work on a WAS. Nearly every OM is a step down from the LBS. The biggest selling point of the OM is they are NOT the LBS. No matter what the LBS does, they will always be the LBS when compared to the OM. There's just no winning that contest. So the LBS has to remove themselves from the equation. Leave the WAS to their affair and cut them loose.

Then she messaged,me after I went to work that she had arranged for her mom to pickup D3 from day care and keeo her for the night and she was off to OMs.

She contacted you about her plans with OM? [shakes head] Honestly it just blows my mind that you can be walked on like this over and over again and not do anything about it. The first time that happened my wife would have come home to changed locks and reset garage doors. I understand you want to save your M, but good grief man, have a little respect for yourself!!

She has also expresses doubts about OM to her best friend

You've been saying ^^^THAT^^^ practically since day one. It's that same old "maybe she'll come out of it" attitude that you've been engaged in for months. Remember what I said about you having a whole campsite set up in front of the cheeseless tunnel while you wait for someone to deliver the cheese? You're still there, and they're STILL not going to bring the cheese. It's time for you to saddle up and ride down another tunnel.

[Tallula]

^^THIS^^

And I did my timeline, because we have the same one.

What is yours...

11/13-BD-wife stays with OM 2-3 nights a week, doesn't work, spends your money to visit OM

Today-wife stays with OM 2-3 nights a week, doesn't work, spends your money to visit OM

[AnotherStander]

I worked on me. I stood up for me, I was true to myself. None of this was a tactic. I came here trying to save my marriage. Then I focused on saving me, my dignity. And now, he is the one trying to get ME back.

^^^THIS IS THE STUFF RIGHT HERE^^^ Tallula's thread is a great read, lots of wisdom like this in it

[MrBond]

" But also I just want to point out that,my DB coach had the same position. That is, to show my wife that I am a better.option, to show her how desirable she is to me, to make her feel loved and appreciated. Thats pretty much competing with the OM just not in the exact same words as Dr Harley."

You're wrong. DB principles are that you fix the issues that bothered your spouse about you. You do your best, but you're not in competition with the OM. The problem with seeing it as a competition is that once you feel like you've "won" her, you'll go back to your old self, making those changes you did all fake.

DB is to teach lifelong lessons and NOT as a ploy just to get your spouse back.