This didn't last long, but last week I had a really good feeling for a while of detachment. Just like, she's a person, and I don't have to judge her decisions or actions. I just need to make my own decisions and live my own life. It didn't last, unfortunately. I am back to resentment and anger. How could she do this to me and our kids? She's just screwing up her life and ours. But I was there for a little while, and I have hope that my heart can live without her in it.
I've been there. I was listening to a song and had this overwhelming feeling of being "okay"...just really "okay"...it came from my gut - my core. It was a few days after my last BD back in Jan'13 when things were very clearly stated as being "over" and that D was inevitable. I slipped back into depression/truly grieving the end of my M, and I journaled it so I know the date. I played that song on a loop for a couple of hours as the feeling stayed...and then it just left.
You are a prize, danielf. You have value. I know you KNOW that, but you will begin to feel it soon. You'll get there. You have made a leap so many people in this world never figure out they need to make: the realization that you need to continually better yourself, FOR YOURSELF. And that will always make you a better man than you were yesterday.
The value in that realization is ENORMOUS, and you are there! Own it!
-PM
P.S. The song I was listening to was "The Lengths" by The Black Keys. Great song if you like their style (this is on the slow/somber side of their wide spectrum). Great lyrics that apply to most of our situations. The guitar sounds like it is openly weeping.
Originally Posted By: "The Lengths"
Tell me where you're goin', What is goin' wrong, I felt you leavin', Before you'd even gone, Hold me now, Or never, ever, Hold me again, No more talk, Could take me from this, Pain I'm in, Pain I'm in,
See the moonlight shinin', On your window pane, See it leave you, As faithful as it came, Please yourself, So you don't have to, Be afraid, Make amends, Or carry on another way, Another way, Oh~oh,
Tell me what you were thinkin', To treat somebody so, The care he took, The lengths to which he'd go, The coals are hot, To walk across, Without your shoes, But in the end, Know that you've got nothing to lose, Nothin' to lose, Oh~oh, oh~oh.
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
