I'm not sure if we're done exploring what we've been discussing (self value derivation, insecurities and the source(s) of those, but a related "fear" that didn't make my previous list is:
In the past 18 months I have been afraid to cut her loose because I was/am afraid she will do something that I wouldn't be able to forgive her for - a MOAB on the road that is supposed to be smoothly paved home. I saw/see her as being in a delicate state, bouncing around like a ping-pong ball in a Bingo machine. Looking at myself, I see this is as a form of control, but I understand it as self-preservation. It doesn't make it "right" or "healthy", but I understand why.
Ineedtocutherloose. THAT is "space" for her. THAT is "independence" for her. I'm a good man and she sees it. Let's roll the dice and see how this all plays out. I cannot let the fear of self-preservation of what is an unhealthy derivation of self-value get in the way of what she is asking me for. True respect = true compliance with her stated decisions.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
