Closer to Fine

[labug]

Spent some time with a friend Sunday night. She's going through some emotional times as she gets ready to see her son off for his second tour in Afghanistan. She also has some old wounds that are still healing from her father's infidelity when she was a teenager. They aren't debilitating, just occasionally something will hit that scar and cause pain.

I was so happy that I was just able to be with her and listen and support. In the past I would have been an anxious mess because I would have attempted to fix everything for her. Instead I listened and felt very little anxiety. When I did, I recognized it and just let it go. I thought to myself, she just needs me to listen without judgment, not fix.

In the past this level of intimacy was scary for me because I wasn't able to fix everything so 1) why would she want me for a friend if I couldn't "do" something to make her feel better, fix all her problems? and 2)the anxiety of sharing these things and my needing to fix would have been too much, I would have distanced. I've known that I kept people at arm's length but now the way and the why that I did that is so apparent.

This is a process that I need to practice everyday. The more I have empathy for me the more I can have empathy for others.