New to this ...

[steveh27]

Last post was from phone sorry for incoherent thoughts

[Spartan]

How did the rest of the weekend go?

The fight within yourself is often the toughest. The nice thing though is it's the only fight we fully control the outcome of.

[sandi2]

How you doing today, Steve?

[steveh27]

Well we had more words after the game also and it got heated. She made a point to walk back to the car. I waited for my son and walked back to the car. On my way I saw the OM in his car by himself about 10 cars down the row in the lot. I gave my son the chair and said head to our car. I started making a line to the OM's car and my W got out and asked what I was doing. I said "Im just going to have a talk". She said no your not. I continue. He can't see us as the way the cars are situated and my W gets next to me and says I need to stop. I say, "seriously this is how this is going to end up? We are going to have to endure this for the remainder of the season and possibly more if both families stay with this team. I'm glad you thought this through. Thanks."

I didn't go over ... just too many people around anyway. I honestly I really could care less to, it was my way of releasing. Yes - not a good way and counter productive. But I had a weak moment. She made a comment about me trying to "drive" our situation as of late - which confused me because I have no control over anything right now. I may say things out of anger but I have done nothing except for trying to do MC a couple weeks back, but I backed off and havent mentioned it again.

We get back to hotel room and just chill. We had a couple hours before dinner with some other families we had plans with. She could tell I was still angry and she texted me to avoid talk with the kids.

W: I'm sorry - I knew this wouldnt be easy.

I text back but needed to speak my mind
M: I'm frustrated we have to do this. I'm frustrated that you did this so close to our kids and forcing me to grin and bear it. I'm sorry if im not perfect but I have my limits also. I'm angry and I have been above and beyond patient to the best of my ability. I am sorry for that but its a natural emotion for me right now. I am also upset because you keep blaming me for everything wrong in our marriage lately when we know it wasn't always me. Yes you are "driving" this ... I am helpless right now and you know it. You know Im trying to do this with keeping as much respect for myself as possible. So please remember that when I fail with that in tough situations instead of saying and making me feel like Im making your decision easier - thats unfair.

Yes alot of I's and You's in that message above - I just needed to let it out for once. It sounded a bit wounded and I know that was wrong to show that.

W didnt respond, but she started crying and went into the bathroom. She was in there for about 20 min and I told her I would meet her in the car and I have the kids all ready. She said ok and she would be right down. She got in the car and it seemed like she was still crying. I didnt say anything and we just drove to dinner and met 4 other families at the mall before dinner. I could tell we needed some space so I said - I'll take the group of boys to walk around (I was the only male adult of all families) if the girls want to go shop for awhile before dinner. After dinner was fine - we shared a personal pizza. I recommended a couple of beers and she laughed and agreed. Had a good time with the other families and we called it a night.

Next day was better - back to normal as normal can be. Only problem was the OM's W decided to park herself with the rest of the group. Which I thought was funny. Honestly why should that woman avoid the situation when she didn't do anything wrong. My W got up from her chair which was about 5 ft from the other W and stood on the other side of me the entire game (she never stands). Small personal satisfaction for me - but still know where we stand with each other.

Yesterday was also ok - did a lot of yard work. Test drove an Audi A4. I had to sell mine 2 years ago because of a down turn in economy and we needed to tighten the household budget. Not that I will buy one, maybe used but it felt good to kind of think outside of the R a bit. Kids had some friends over and we cooked out on the grill and had a nice day.

Ok odd story. I told my W last night that The Bachelorette was starting last night and asked if wanted to watch that. I said I'll go grab a ice cream sundae and I'll throw it on. Now, this was something we liked to do at night together. We had 3-4 shows during the week we would watch together at night and we liked to share a snack. She said sure. Now don't judge me - Im a male who likes to watch this show - its entertaining enough plus it was always time with the W doing something she liked to do. Anyway, I forgot how much the show liked to talk about relationships and what each person is looking for in a R etc.
Well awkward is one word - I should have just went downstairs and watched TV which I usually do - but I was tired and needed to get up early the next day. It was sad to hear some of the guys talk about troubled childhoods and about their parents divorcing and how it effected them - that and to hear she was looking for someone loyal and faithful. Not sure if it had an impact on the W - not sure it matters.