Still Struggling and need help #4

[CharlieBrown]

Yesterday was interesting. I know I was too emotional Sunday night but what happened, happened. I can't go back and change it. If I had it to do over again, I think I would have still brought it up under the circumstance, but in a much more detached and emotionless way. At times I cried (she did too, but only at times that she reflected back on the "dark times" a few months ago, which, considering the subject, seemed odd. When she wasn't being honest early on in our discussion, I know that I raised my voice and pounded on our island in the kitchen and said "Please, be honest about this!" This is very uncharacteristic behavior for me (I have often been told I am too guarded and need to be willing to be more emotional). Yesterday, when she came to talk to me, I had already had time for coffee and to reflect on the night before so I did a much better job keeping cool and affirming, even though I felt my blood pressure rising a few times.

With the day to reflect, I am not exactly sure what she came to tell me yesterday. I thought what she was saying was, for her, a sort of apology (she never says classic "I'm sorry" apologies) and admission that she needs to stop this behavior for us to move forward (including, I thought, getting rid of him on FB). But, as I thought about it yesterday, I am not sure if it was that, or if she was explaining it to minimize it to me (and to herself presumably). We have MC tomorrow, and I know this will be a part of the discussion, so I will maybe find out then. Also, if she does de-friend him on FB, that would tell me as well. I am not going to say anything else at this point, she clearly knows my thoughts and no more good could come of it.

CB