Crazy little thing called MLC

[Raine]

So what I heard there is you haven't met the right one yet. Maybe one day you'll find the female version of T^2 to sweep you off your feet. I don't feel I need the companionship, but I miss it. But not with the wrong person.

I do agree the "dating" other women is something he has wanted to do, especially seeing our friends go through divorce and dating. I never wanted that. I didn't see the fun in going through the awkwardness of that all over again. I guess H wasn't thinking dating either. He doesn't seem to want to date them. Just use them, get high on them wanting him, and move on. Actually I could see he was thinking dating, but that's hard to do in secret. I'm still very curious as to when this all started. I dreamed last night he said four years after we were married and with a name I have never heard of. I still think something happened 2.5 yrs ago, but not before. I just don't think he could keep it hidden. He gives so much away right now.

That's funny about the nuts. But the reference to CA really made me laugh. Did you move far from your families? Ive felt the distance H has from his family has an impact on the depression. I thought it was depression with H earlier on and since he wouldn't take AD, I got him to take vitamins like magnesium and others where the deficiency is linked to depression and St. John's worts. But he stopped all of those at S.

Selfishness has been a big part of it with H. That has been growing the past several years. I was feeling neglected. I was at the bottom of his list, with himself and his job at the top. That made me resentful. It is all about him now, but he doesn't see it that way. He told me that he feels pulled and obligated to everyone else. That people think it's just all about him but it's not. I told him it looks like it is all about him from the outside. His priorities are just jacked then. That means he feels as obligated to a random friend at work as he does his kids.

My goal has been to get him through this so he is a good father and he isn't like this the rest of his life. The depression scares me too. He was back to talking suicide to me a few days ago. Been awhile since that happened. He is also back to not spending time with the kids. He has missed the last two weekends and all he does is spend a 3-5 hours on Saturday with them, but he hasn't skipped one of those since February. He also skipped both of his planned nights out with new friends this last week.

Much of his complaints about me were true on some level. The problem is they are out of context, without reasons for why that was, and always in absolutes. Because I researched something instead of following his feelings a couple of times with parenting, he acts like this was 100% of the time and I think all of his opinions are crap. No point in arguing with him. I don't believe I caused any of this but I do agree I've made mistakes and haven't been understanding and compassionate all the time. I know my faults better than anyone, but even then I don't blame myself for this situation. I don't feel blame towards him either.

I haven't felt like he planned much of anything. I feel like he is flying by the seat of his pants. He does have expectations of how I should react, like how we would expect anyone to act, but I keep throwing him for a loop. He thought he knew me so well. It's almost like he keeps saying the same things and doing the same things over and over with me and expecting a different result, but keeps getting the same puzzling one.

Everyone loves a good story. Go for it.