Need some Encouragement

[InnerStrength]

Don't confront about the paperwork. Confrontation is pressure, so confrontation in general is a no-go. Easier said than done -- I was always pretty good about it but had my slip-ups and a WAS is always going to do things that make you mad -- but you can do this. Confronting is not going to change the outcome in your favor -- it'll either have no effect or make her more determined to get away from you, and more likely it'll be the latter.

When your emotions are pushing you towards the edge and you want to open your mouth you just have to remind yourself that whatever you want to say, no matter how justified you feel in saying it, it's going to push her away further.

Just go with the flow, enjoy her company when she offers it. It's really hard to get to the place where you are okay with the fact that you're not in a relationship with her and the future is in limbo, but once you can accept that and just go along with your interactions with her without expectations or ulterior motives or bringing the relationship up, you will be much happier, and she'll become less and less distant. You want to be an easy-going, confident guy who isn't needy or clingy so she enjoys spending time with you. You want to act as if she's a friend and neither of you owe anything to each other. No pressure.

If she thinks you're going to get upset about the paperwork or the state of the R or anything like that, she'll pull back because you aren't on the same page. If you can adopt a casual attitude in your interactions, it works wonders.

If she wants to file paperwork, nothing you say will change that. The key point is this in my opinion: Confrontation, disagreeing with her decision, pressure, makes you the enemy and someone to avoid. Going with the flow, accepting the decision and agreeing with her, just being there for her makes her feel as if you are on her side, an ally in a world that is probably very confusing and scary for her right now. Imagine her surprise when she realizes, perhaps months down the road, that her biggest ally and support has been the person she so badly wanted to run away from.

I haven't gotten a chance to read your first thread yet, but one thing that is helpful to know is she is as scared and fearful as you are. Even if she is putting on the determined brave face, as they all do. I remember one of my wife's more resolute days early in the process, overhearing her telling her sister on the phone that she was scared and confused and didn't know what to make of anything.

The second thing I want to mention: you said you are having a hard time with GAL. This is a chicken and egg situation. You WILL NOT feel like GAL at first, but GAL is the most important part of this process. You'll feel some of the life come back to you. You'll gain self-esteem and self-respect. You'll see a glimpse of life beyond your marriage and you'll start to learn that you do not need your wife to be happy, you just want her. And this is so important. You're not going to feel any better until you do GAL -- I see people on here all the time who do everything in DB right except GAL for months and make no progress, then they start GALing and make a heap of progress. And she's going to be attracted to that newfound confidence, self-worth and perhaps scared by the sense that you can move on without her. Please, please, if you do anything in DB at all, make a serious, all-out effort to GAL as soon as possible.