Thank you everyone for your comments and support. Reading everyone's encouragement is a constant source of stress relief for me!
You are so right about trust rH! There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about how I could ever trust my H again after all the lies, deceit, and hurt. Trust means so much in a R, and there is NONE right now. I guess that's not completely true. I trust that he loves the boys. But me - I think he would back stab and hurt me in an instant to make himself feel better.
But he is definitely watching me. Some days I feel like all he is going to see is my back as I walk away from him and all the damage he's done.
I love the "Private Eyes" reference!
Linda, you asked how low the OW can get? Ummm, I don't think much lower. I consider her worthless trash lying in a gutter. Maybe that's harsh. I don't really care.
And believe me, we haven't heard the last about That Woman. In fact, I'm sure her final act and curtain call will be quite entertaining. Don't worry, I'll give the details!
It is difficult with our H's health problems. I know how much he struggles with it. The physical stuff is tough enough, but the emotional aspect can be heartbreaking.
And as for replay, I don't think my H ever came out and went back in. In retrospect, he slowly worked his way into it, then hit it hard about a year ago. I can see him slowly working his way out of it. But he's definitely still in there, no doubt.
UW, I am always playing back your words in my head. One foot in, one foot out. Could it really be true that his jello brain is thinking??? One can hope...
~~~~~~~~~~
So I notice H has another new golf shirt that mysteriously has appeared from no where. I say nothing.
He knew that I saw it and washed it because it was hanging up. So he asks me, how do you like my new shirt? I say it's nice. He claims he bought it when he was out the other day. I totally don't buy that, but really don't care anymore!
So guess what he wears for "golf" today? Bingo, his new shirt! I knew he would, so predictable...
It's after 10:30, no word from him. Golfing in the dark lol?!?!
In some ways, they both can be predictable. Remember the new shirt at Easter? It's like she so insecure, she needs to dress him too. Pathetic.
Took boys out to dinner and to bookstore tonight. It was fun . H's loss...
Good night
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
But he is definitely watching me. Some days I feel like all he is going to see is my back as I walk away from him and all the damage he's done.
Dont get ahead of yourself, sweetie. It doesnt serve you well, right?
I consider her worthless trash lying in a gutter. Maybe that's harsh.
Um, a friend of yours, married and with a married man with children. I gotta lot of other words to call her. I am from New York, after all. Hee hee. Oops, my bad.
And believe me, we haven't heard the last about That Woman. In fact, I'm sure her final act and curtain call will be quite entertaining. Don't worry, I'll give the details!
No, I am afraid she will not go softly into the night. Sigh...
But he's definitely still in replay, no doubt.
Yep, usually they are there the longest.
UW, I am always playing back your words in my head. One foot in, one foot out. Could it really be true that his jello brain is thinking??? One can hope...
He is thinking, T. But you know, it is hard for him when he has dessert for brains. LOL! As I posted to Rh, they feel that life has passed them by. And they dont want to feel that way. So they hold onto replay to try and make sure it doesnt happen again. It is not until they realize that they can be happy and fulfilled in whatever way they choose that they come out completely.
T, she is nothing but a bandaid. A desperate attempt on his part to feel something. He doesnt know that. He doesnt realize that he is broken. He will, though, when he sees that he is still not happy. Unfortunately, as you know, that all takes time.
But you, on the other hand, have blossomed into an amazing woman. Not that you werent one before.
Yes, I have a few choice names for OW too, and they are quite colorful!
Yet, I think calling someone "worthless" is pretty mean - but if I'm going to be honest, that is how I see her right now. Oh well.
I know she's a band aid, but she's a band aid that's been clinging for almost a year and a half now. By now, she's pretty dirty and her adhesive is wearing off. I'm ready for her to be ripped off and thrown away.
I do have that habit of getting ahead of myself! Can't shut that brain off!
Was thinking about what you said about them feeling that life has passed them by...
My H dated a lot of girls in high school and college. Went away to college, partied. Lived on his own for awhile, lived the bachelor life. I'm not sure what he thinks he missed.
So, it must go farther back. Whatever happened to him to stunt him emotionally must be from when he was young. I hope someday he will trust me enough to tell me.
This amazing woman is ready for a new thread
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Sometimes, when they hit a milestone age like 40 or 50, they start to question stuff. They realize that they are responsible for a family, a career, etc. And they think that they will not ever have total freedom again. They are getting older and their mortality is hitting them.
Now, for healthy men, those ages give them pause but they are able to handle it appropriately. But for those who have issues from childhood or issues not properly dealt with, they go into crisis.
As far as the ow, the general length of these affairs are commonly between 18 and 24 months. Of course, that is a broad generality.
Sometimes, when they hit a milestone age like 40 or 50, they start to question stuff. They realize that they are responsible for a family, a career, etc. And they think that they will not ever have total freedom again. They are getting older and their mortality is hitting them.
Now, for healthy men, those ages give them pause but they are able to handle it appropriately. But for those who have issues from childhood or issues not properly dealt with, they go into crisis.
TVS, I listened to a speaker once who claimed that teenagers need to fall in love and have their hearts broken a couple of times to form a strong, secure sexual identity. The speaker claimed that the best predictor of whether someone would have affairs in later life is whether he or she had 2 or 3 relationships between the years of 14 and 20.
People say a lot of screwy stuff on the radio and this sure does not seem to pertain to your H. But it does to mine.
He only had one girlfriend before me, and they broke up at 19 when she told him she realized she's a lesbian. That always bothers him. And his first sexual experience was with the girlfriend's young step mother, who seduced him when he was around 15. No wonder he's such a mess.
As far as the ow, the general length of these affairs are commonly between 18 and 24 months. Of course, that is a broad generality.
How long it lasts has a lot of variables. The idea is for you to outlast it. And for him to figure himself out.
You say your H's "bandaid" has been clinging for 18 months. That's a long time to wait patiently. My H's first EA lasted 24 months, but was not too hard to wait out because she was in Russia and he treated me pretty normally, with physical affection including sex. This new EA started last July, with 2 weeks of PA in March. No physical contact for me this time, and it's hard.
So maybe you have up to another 6 months to endure, and me, up to another year.
I think I can bear it that long. I'm not sure. It hurts and I'm weary. But you're a lot stronger, you should handle it fine. Then there will just be that hurdle of learning to trust again......
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
. H's loss...