round and around we go

[willbwell]

True, sometimes I want to lash out irrationally. Know it solves nothing. Struggle not to give into that temporary insanity. Don't worry,
Fears is what I want to personally get beyond. Fear- I know it's my ego talking. I need to have more faith. Somewhere I read...adversity builds character. Character hope and hope.... It is said hope does not disappoint. This is what I want to believe.

[willbwell]

I am ready to send a text...
I had book club this eve- part of my GAL. I had asked h if he would likevto come over to hang outbwith kids. H says he is working. Can't even believe I can be so gullible. It is a holiday weekend. Yes he sometimes goes to the office on the weekend but not for 8 hrs. Does he call from work to check in with kids? No.
He is supposed to come for lunch tomorrow. Do I continue to be nieve? I try and do what is best for kids. Is he really working? Maybe. Or is he with OW? Maybe. I have asked him to be honest. I see no point in lying. I have been so nice, kind and accommodating. Trying ton keep that path smooth. But not being with his kids and being withOW is not acceptable in my book.

[willbwell]

Can not stand this.... Want to text.

Me to H..
Want to believe you are being honest with me( he said he working) I don't want to be nieve I don't want to be made a fool of.

Are you still in a relationship with OW?

[mizjjd]

WBW,

Because you stopped on my thread I thought I'd stop on yours as well

Did you send the text? I'm hoping not.

I see you are in newcomers, and as you know I am in MLC, so maybe the advice here is different?

In MLC we are told to have no expectations. It really seems you have expectations.... and you keep worsening your wounds because of them.

I confess I have only skimmed your posts, so may have missed some things.

Do I continue to be nieve?

You aren't meant to be naive, just not interested.

This is really hard to do, and I'm certainly no master of it. But the goal is for you to redefine your world, to make it all about WBW. Your H is now just a bit character.

You GAL and 180 to fill your world up with great and wonderful things for yourself. You pay little to no attention to the antics of your H.

If/when he comes to lunch DON'T bring up his where abouts last night. Talk about your kids, talk about your books, the weather, summer movies etc. You must break the cycle of obsession about OW - especially to your H.

There's a song by Miranda Lambert

"This Ain't My Mama's Broken Heart"

Go and fix your make up, girl, it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy and start actin’ like a lady
'Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart

Mama knew what she was talking about

Look SENSATIONAL
Be cool and classy

Then come here to vent - ok?

Hang in there WBW. The OW thing is just awful to deal with - I know from hard experience - more than once - but we can rise above!

[willbwell]

I sent the text. I asked him to just be honest. We are having a "talk" today. He lied to my kids. told s he was working so couldn't hang out. I asked H and he said he was not working the whole time. I do not want him here for lunch today.
We have some business to discuss. I will make my list.(car,roof,kid logistics)
I will try and remember to validate.
What do I say though if he says he's in love with that stupid girl?

[reb9597]

I'll be thinking of you today during your lunch. I'm having the same struggle now, dealing with WAH withdrawing from kids and drawing towards ow. I know we're supposed have no expectations but honesty is pretty basic and is a hard expectation to let go of!

Depending on how you worded your text, try to make your conversation as non-accusatory as possible.

I wish someone had an answer for how to handle this but I'm just as lost. But you have support. I'll be checking back to see how it goes.

[mizjjd]

Oh boy.

Not sure if you'll read this before your meeting.

First, he won't be completely honest. WAS can't be completely honest. Not when they're still in crisis/transition.

It really doesn't sound like you are up for a talk - emotionally or mentally

Best thing is to just try to keep your cool. If this means you have to keep this meeting very short then so be it. Business matters can be handled via email.

WBW, your thread title, "round and around we go" is very telling. The two of you will continue with the round and round until one of you steps off the ride.

I'd suggest that be you.

If he tells you he's in love with someone else... say ... ok.

What else can you say? Especially if you asked for "honesty"...

I'm out of my depth here - hope I'm leading you closer to the side of the pool and not further from it.

As I understand it, when the LBS gets the "bomb" the best thing to do is recognize that "bomb" ends a marriage. That doesn't mean necessarily divorce, but it means the marriage that "was" is now over. If there is to be a reconciliation both parties have to change, and the relationship has to change as well.

Do you feel you know what you want yet? Are you 100% sure you want D? Because if you're not, then back peddle as much as you can away from "talks".

It doesn't seem you have strengthened yourself enough just yet. Not that you should put off protecting yourself legally or financially!! But the rest of the stuff maybe should wait a bit.

So keep your cool. Listen and hear. If it gets bad excuse yourself until another time.

Best of luck

[willbwell]

I said we could talk after lunch. told him to let me know when, where.
We've not talked at all about anything. But, I feel we have got to communicate. I do not want D. H has said before that is what he wants and wants to be amicable. If it comes up again today, I will say....???

[labug]

I understand that's what you want. It's not what I want but I won't stand in your way. Then drop it and take your leave.

[willbwell]

Thank you labug

I will add that this is not what the kids want either.
I will not ask about last night...
I do somewhat feel like I should say that he has made his choice and he should leave us alone for a while.
I don't want to be withholding time with the children. But, H sees them at his convenience... H has had no conversation with boys. He sends daily text to D. Makes him feel better, I think. D loves her dad unconditionally. She is so sweet and good as gold.
I want to take the higher road. Praying!!