Beer would be bad for my alcoholism But it's the thought that counts! Thx Fig and Betsey, I think I get a kick out of being superwhateverIhavetobe. Maybe I'm a control freak and have to do everything! Maybe I just don't want to be rejected. Maybe I just really want to help the people I care for! Maybe all of the above. Most of what I did for SDA lady I wanted to do! But, it's the overall constant build up over time that wears me to a nub. I just go until I can't anymore. That's not a good plan and it's costly. Well, tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity to not do something for someone lol.
Aww, Wii, didn't know that. Thanks for sharing, and hope you weren't offended.
I'm a reformed control freak myself. I spent a few years in therapy figuring out why. I know she lurks under my surface, but I try to tamp her down like an ugly whack-a-mole. I found out personally that when I go into that mode, I have some source of internal anxiety/conflict that needs to be managed. I can usually do that fairly quickly now, but it's uncomfortable as hell.
Maybe you are just a plain damn nice guy. I married and divorced that guy myself. But the truth is, sometimes it's okay to not feel like doing it. My entire marriage was spent living with a passive aggressive man. (Long story on why, but my previous control freak personality just drove him into doing more of it.) A few months into our separation, I figured out that I needed to give him permission to back out of a request. At first, he was in love with his newfound permission to tell me NO emphatically, followed up with "BECAUSE I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE IT."
I honored my statement that I wouldn't punish him for it. Six months went by (you could probably dig wayyyy back into the archives to read all my crap here) and he finally started saying yes. I never asked him why, but his LL is acts of service. He must have figured out that he didn't like how he felt after a steady diet of saying no to everything I asked (which mostly were for the kids). I no longer have to give him permission to say no, because somewhere along the line *I LEARNED* how not to punish him for getting his way. I guess you can reform a control freak. Only if you want to be reformed?
Out of curiosity, is your LL AOS too?
BTW, I saw what you wrote about SDA lady and her wanting you to have your D15 take a cab so you could drive her. That's completely unreasonable for her not to accept no. I would NEVER (and I can't emphasize that enough) ask someone to have their teenager take a cab when I'm the fricking adult who could call for one. I'd want to smack her.
It's good you see the long term cost to being the yes man. Besides, you're really funny. I really enjoy your sense of humor.
So hopefully you'll stumble across that opportunity to say no again tomorrow. LOL. But only if it makes you happy.
I'm saying yes, for a change. My XH invited me to dinner with the girls. He's a great cook. I just have to bring wine. It's a great deal for me!
To quote Nancy Reagan, JUST SAY NO!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey, I was not offended by the beer remark! What does LL AOS mean? As far as SDA Lady asking if D15 could take a cab, that was her intense anxiety coming out (and I did say NO!) and one of the reasons I'm not with her anymore. It's not my job to manage her continual anxiety! My therapist said on my initial visit re my R issues "Congratulations Whatis, you've managed to find a lady who is more anxious than you are!" Uh thanks, I guess lol. As for my sense of humour, I was told many moons ago by a therapist that my bizarre sense of humour has kept me sane through a lot of crap. I think I'll keep it...and hope it helps others smile once in a while too.
I've done some research and narrowed it down to 89 possibles. Am I close? I haven't got to LL yet....but I do like Leapin' Lizard!
AOS American Orchid Society AOS Adjustment of Status AOS Area of Study AOS Associate of Occupational Studies AOS A.O. Smith Corp. (Milwaukee, WI) AOS Acquisition Of Signal AOS American Oriental Society AOS Apparent Opening Size (US standard sieve) AOS Austin Osman Spare (artist) AOS Aria of Sorrow (game) AOS Area Of Specialization AOS Apraxia of Speech AOS Application Object Server AOS Armed Offenders Squad (New Zealand) AOS Add Or Subtract AOS American Orthodontic Society AOS Australian Optical Society AOS American Otological Society AOS Automated Office Systems (Bellcore) AOS Alcatel Operating System AOS Algebraic Operating System AOS Adams-Oliver Syndrome AOS Athabasca Oil Sands (crude oil deposits; Alberta, Canada) AOS Axis of Symmetry AOS Area of Service (Sprint) AOS Arrived on Scene AOS Alternate Operator Service AOS area of separation (US DoD) AOS Academic Orthopaedic Society AOS Aeon of Strife (gaming) AOS Associates of Science (degree) AOS Agreement Of Sale AOS Age d'Or Services (French: Golden Age Services) AOS Acousto-Optic Spectrometer AOS Average Order Size AOS All Options Stink AOS Air Operations Squadron AOS Add One and do not Skip AOS Advanced Orbiting System AOS Automated Ordering System AOS Actualités Odonto-Stomatologiques (French medical journal) AOS Arquitectura Orientada a Servicios (Spanish: service-oriented architecture) AOS Aerosol Observing System AOS Add-On Stabilization AOS Any Other Score AOS Associate Opinion Survey AOS Add On Sales AOS Arrival on Site AoS Army of Sin (game clan) AOS Avionics Operating System AOS Airborne Optical System AOS Age Old Saying AOS Ages of Shadows (game) AOS Airport Operations Specialist AOS Automated Operating System AOS Airborne Optical Sensor AOS Airlift Operations School AOS Air Observer's School AOS Arithmetic Operating System AOS Alternate Option Selection AOS Archaic of Styles (band) AOS Atlantic Oceanographic Synopsis AOS American Ostomy Supply (Waukesha, WI) AOS Acronym Overload Syndrome :-) AOS FAA Operational Support Service AOS Automated Observation System (US DoD) AOS Application Outsourcing Service AOS Azimuth Orientation System AOS Aircraft on Station AOS Adaptive Order Statistic AOS Access Optimization Service (UUNET) AOS Airborne Optical Surveillance AOS Aurora Optical Switch (Tellium) AOS Advanced Online Search AOS Astronomiczne Obserwatorium Scerokosciowe (Borowcu, Poland Time Standard) AOS Support Tankers AOS Automatic/Automatically Out of Service (Tandem & DSC) AOS ATl Optical Summit (Sprint) AOS Automated Observing Station AOS Airport Operation System (airport management software) AOS Application Ordering System (student financial aid) AOS Aviators Oxygen System AOS Alternate Observing Site AOS Aircrew Oxygen System AOS Activism Orientation Scale (Corning and Myers, 2002) AOS Alpha Olefin Sulfonate AOS Alabama Ornithological Society (est. 1952) AOS Administrative and Operational Services (various organizations) AOS Atmosphere Ocean System
Wii, if you haven't read this book, go walk to that bookstore now. It's worth the read. And I think you'll come away from it knowing a little more about yourself and your motivations.
Hope your weeks are off to a good start!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I started communicating with some nice guys on ourtime since yesterday, and seem to have struck up an easy time with one guy. He's 47 and tells me that he's not scared of my non-negotiable #1, which is D16 being developmentally disabled. Must say that's nice.
Will let you know how this works out. He doesn't seem like someone who would take photos of his junk, so we'll see. I hope he has a junk drawer like Wii. At least until I ask to see his junk...
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I used to do everything for everyone because I kind of liked people thinking I was so self-sacrificing and kind and wonderful.
But...
Doing it for those reasons didn't make me any of those things
I have found (in my later years) that it is much easier and satisfying to simply be who I am...sometimes I like to do things and go about and beyond and sometimes I like to say suuuuuuuuuuck it and say no
But it's the thought that counts! Thx Fig and Betsey, I think I get a kick out of being superwhateverIhavetobe. Maybe I'm a control freak and have to do everything! Maybe I just don't want to be rejected. Maybe I just really want to help the people I care for! Maybe all of the above. Most of what I did for SDA lady I wanted to do! But, it's the overall constant build up over time that wears me to a nub. I just go until I can't anymore. That's not a good plan and it's costly. Well, tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity to not do something for someone lol.
Betsey