See I am trying to help myself but in some things I just dont know how to. The changing of the thoughts sometimes im ok sometimes im not. I think you are correct that I am looking for the short cut and I know it does not happen. But I also know the power of God and The free will.
The bigest thing here and why i think I am stuck and always thinking about my W is I feel that if i dont continue to try then there really is not chance. But I know in my head but my heart says to try.
the other is this moving out not by my choice is hard. i have come so far and now im going back to my dads. I truly fear more than anyone knows that i will get worse there and just not look for a place. But only God know this. I also feel that I will now be starting all over again. the few i have meet over here on this side of the Hudson river i will loss contact with. Also not having the W family stop by from time to time will hurt. It is like life is changing all around me. I can tell you I have been in this spot before but only from drug use. im 27 years clean so I know i can do this with Gods help it is just Im for some reason stuck. and worried.
I know i keep saying down things but that seems like all i have. I will look for the book and read it. I also just have such an unbelief that this has happen to me. the one that would not stop saying how much she loves me and now nothing. but i guess this is why im seeing 2 therapists on close to home and the DB coach. i need to stop worrying about am i doing the correct thing for the end means of having W come back. maybe see 2 theropists is not a good thing some times i get 2 diff sets of things to do. it is just DB is getting hard to pay for. but i need that hope. but DB also said she does not know what to do so just no contact at this point. that's what im working on.
