I echo GTO Tori. It is perfectly natural and normal not to want to see him. Who cares how he took it. Your life is about you now and nurturing and healing your emotions. You were not mean, rude, disrespectful or passive aggressive. You weren't trying to hurt him, anger him, or belittle him. You were honest. And you were kind to yourself.
You are a wonderful, insightful and compassionate woman. Your determination to help others is inspiring and beautiful.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
GTO and Busting, thank you! Both of you are a blessing in my life.
It's true...I was just honest, and as they say, "What you think of me is none of your business."
The calling to write this book is so strong I find myself writing every free minute! I'm writing the proposal now for a publishing company, but the manuscript is completed (still in need of edits.) I really don't care if I only sell 10 books, as long as I can really help those 10 people and stop their suffering sooner than later.
Hey, all. I don't know if you are checking my updates anymore, but I appreciate the hugs and support :-)
I talked to "Joe" today. I had emailed him about more mail he needed to pick up, and he called. It was stressful to talk to him. My face was on fire, and I was sweating. Ugh. He managed to fit in two comments about his new woman: "Last time I went to your place and you drove away, I understood why you did it. Maybe you thought I wasn't alone." BIG WHATEVER. And, "I'm so busy! They emailed me from work on Mother's Day and I had Mother's Day stuff to do!" With his mom being in CA, he of course was referring to the mother of the woman. He didn't even email my mom. another big whatever.
So he said he would be stopping by before tennis but just like the other day, he didn't. He'll probably stop by after tennis, late at night. I texted him and said I wasn't ready to see him and that maybe in the future. I asked him to not call me or knock at the door when he picks up the mail. I was nice and polite, but I really want nothing to do with someone who hurt me in such a way and who is such a toxic presence in my life. I've nearly forgiven him, but I also want to send him away--out of my life.
I've been writing non-stop. I'm in the process of getting an editor. I am excited about the possibility to help so many people...And this experience today helps me add more stuff to the book, about how when you think you have detached, you can still slip. But it's okay, because when you're on the path to self-actualization, you can get yourself back on that path as soon as you are ready.
Hi Tori. Good to hear from you. I’m glad you are making progress with your book.
It seems that you are still in a grieving process. Why did you expect him to e-mail your Mom? My H didn’t even wish me happy Mother’s day, and he raised my son for 17 years and we are not even D’s yet. I understood it as he was trying to show me that the M is definitely over. I thought that it was weird, since he wants to stay friends and be welcomed to my family gatherings. Maybe he changed his mind on this, idk.
Why does "Joe" still have his mail at your house?
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Sounds like Joe still doesn't believe that the reason you don't want to see him is him..my suggestion?
Tell him the truth. Say it has nothing to do with him being alone or not, that you have worked very hard to forgive him and yourself and you are moving on. That you wish him well.
Also ask him to put in a forward mail option at the post office. That way all his stuff will come to him and not you
If he doesn't you can. It is about 50.00 in Canada for six months.
Glad to hear that you are enjoying your work on your book, Tori. That is awesome news and will help so many. I think that contact with Xs at times can be like sticking a finger in a wound that is trying to heal.. take care of yourself now, sweet lady.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Hey, my friends. Thank you for posting. I miss this board. BF, I can't believe your H didn't call you on Mother's Day. But this morning I came across something that was perfectly fitted to this situation. It was in "The Eye of the I" by David Hawkins. His point is that it's useless to expect people to meet our expectations or to do as we would've done, because most people live at lower levels of awareness anyway. Most people live ordinary lives centered on their egos. So what you ought to do is focus on your own behavior. It's stuff we all know, but reading it this AM helped.
Ruby, in regard to your comment, Joe has strong narcissistic tendencies. However, I think he does get that I don't want to see him in the near future. He showed up around 10:00 PM and texted me to say he understood I didn't want to see him and that he would be quiet. He was.
The mail issue is there because he never changed his address (only for the most important things.) I am doing what my coach said, to let him see the consequences of his actions (not getting the mail.) I think he'll eventually do it.
Grace, thank you for your words. It is a tough process. This AM some guy was trying to sell me a cleaning product at the gas station and he asked if I was married. I was instinctively going to answer yes and then stopped myself and said no. First time I've been asked that Q since after the D. Weird.
I'll be around, although it's hard bc of my writing. Must get the manuscript ready for the editor. You guys will really like the final product. I'm also meeting people to help me build a "platform" prior to the book release. Very exciting!
Hiya Tori... hope you are doing well this weekend. I'd like to know the eventual name of your book so I can order one from Amazon.
I think it's wise to cut all contact, until you can maintain your naturally cool and charming demeanor. Forgiveness is not for his sake it is for yours. Making the decision to forgive and actually achieving it is a process and it will take time. He may try to weasel his way back into your life, when and if your ever ready for that interaction you'll know. However, do not let him pressure or push you into an interaction unless you want it.
I'm excited for you on your book... It's like I know and am personal friends with an author Your my first!!
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
