today again i wake up feeling like crap like what did God let this heppen. When I asked for someone to come into my life he sent her then he rips her away from me. why Hi ate this hate what he has done. My life is all f'ed up and really think about it. i sit here in this shell of a house for the last few days with nothing here but TV and chouch to sleep on. I feel like she is out there doing something with her new gay GF when she should be with me. I do not get it I do not understand. I hate all there is about life and truly feel there is nothing to live for. all the people i once new and the new few friends i made i am lossing as i have to move out of the area.
Will W realy ever come back. I believe in God and his word but what does it say and why is it so long. I know im not in control and that would be part of my problem. but W mom was at the house cleaning and we talked and she told me that she does want a divoce and the car one problem it being in both names. She also told me the W said i told her i do not want the divoce and will not sign it. I never said anything to her about that. I did say that i did not want the divorce and if she wanted it she would have to file not me and the car needs to get out of my name. so maybe she is waiting till she can get the car out of my name.
w mom told me that maybe i should tell her we need to talk and talk about divoce. She said this because she wants me to be happy but that will not make me happy. she said that she does not get her daughter and talking about divoce is not for my W good but mine. I have everyone one telling me i should get the divorce and but all i want is nothing but a 2nd chance. I know that God will give or can give a 2nd chance. I know every one here has been suportive and honest with me and even very blunt. I need that so please do not stop.
What im strugleing with is what everyone is telling me and what i want . I ask God to help be to listen and to hear what he is saying to the prayers everyone and pray. but i get conflicting messages. Im so f'ed up in my head. it is supose to be happy times i want to do so many things and share them with my W. I alos am very lonly at this point and have to be honest here and hope im not the only one here that feels or felt this way. I just want some sex. but i do not want to go against my voiews and what God says.
I could go one but i will not for now. How the hell do i get out of this. I just have so much negative things happening all around me in my life and i do not think i can take any more. im going to really really loss it big time. any ideas cause i cant see any hope in anything. maybe it is because i'm in the middle of it.
PLEASE HELP ME FIGURE A WAY OUT. I love the W but will she ever even think about a 2nd chance if she realy does like girls and not men now.
