Back off the saddle again.

[Underdog]

Aww, Wii, didn't know that. Thanks for sharing, and hope you weren't offended.

I'm a reformed control freak myself. I spent a few years in therapy figuring out why. I know she lurks under my surface, but I try to tamp her down like an ugly whack-a-mole. I found out personally that when I go into that mode, I have some source of internal anxiety/conflict that needs to be managed. I can usually do that fairly quickly now, but it's uncomfortable as hell.

Maybe you are just a plain damn nice guy. I married and divorced that guy myself. But the truth is, sometimes it's okay to not feel like doing it. My entire marriage was spent living with a passive aggressive man. (Long story on why, but my previous control freak personality just drove him into doing more of it.) A few months into our separation, I figured out that I needed to give him permission to back out of a request. At first, he was in love with his newfound permission to tell me NO emphatically, followed up with "BECAUSE I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE IT."

I honored my statement that I wouldn't punish him for it. Six months went by (you could probably dig wayyyy back into the archives to read all my crap here) and he finally started saying yes. I never asked him why, but his LL is acts of service. He must have figured out that he didn't like how he felt after a steady diet of saying no to everything I asked (which mostly were for the kids). I no longer have to give him permission to say no, because somewhere along the line *I LEARNED* how not to punish him for getting his way. I guess you can reform a control freak. Only if you want to be reformed?

Out of curiosity, is your LL AOS too?

BTW, I saw what you wrote about SDA lady and her wanting you to have your D15 take a cab so you could drive her. That's completely unreasonable for her not to accept no. I would NEVER (and I can't emphasize that enough) ask someone to have their teenager take a cab when I'm the fricking adult who could call for one. I'd want to smack her.

It's good you see the long term cost to being the yes man. Besides, you're really funny. I really enjoy your sense of humor.

So hopefully you'll stumble across that opportunity to say no again tomorrow. LOL. But only if it makes you happy.

I'm saying yes, for a change. My XH invited me to dinner with the girls. He's a great cook. I just have to bring wine. It's a great deal for me!

To quote Nancy Reagan, JUST SAY NO!

Betsey