Addiction issues surely make your road tough, don't they? While I don't have your experience, I'm the sister of someone with them, and I hope I can appreciate how tough this is for you.
You mentioned that you might not trust yourself because you made bad decisions in the past. Question for you... do you happen to keep a journal? Heck, even if you journal here, it might help. I do one for different reasons (I keep a gratefulness journal, just to remind myself that I am blessed every single day). But if you could list every night 3 things that you did that helped your cause? Would seeing it in print help you realize that you do more right than you give yourself credit for?
Part of the toughness of any journey is having some tangible reminder of growth. I'm a gray area person, but I still have difficulty seeing the forest for the trees. Hearing it from others is nice, but isn't what I need. So maybe if you have proof every day that you DO make good decisions you can have a little immediate gratification?
Now, to the juicy stuff...
Quote:
i try to be mr. perfect. i dont want people to think i cant do something.
What if I told you that most women I know don't want Mr. Perfect? That we love vulnerability? The key to this is being with someone who will not take advantage of your vulnerabilities. I know that's tough. I have a very difficult time with that too. In fact, it's probably the #1 reason why I'm not in a relationship right now, so know you are not alone. But true intimacy happens when you let your guard down and let a woman see the real you. And yes, Clay, you are good enough.
When you quit trying to be perfect, you'll settle for being really good. That's something we can all apply everywhere.
I absolutely don't take offense to you wishing you had a male IC. Is there any way the courts could assign one to you? I think it's a valid point, and you shouldn't feel bad for having a preference. You men are just wired differently than women, and sometimes it really does take one to know one.
A good woman will appreciate you flaws and all. Keep up the good work, and stick with your learning. You're doing a great job!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsey
