reb, I like the things you're doing for you. I was always a person who had to get the work done before I could have fun. I felt guilty if things I was doing didn't have a "purpose." And you know that working and having a house and children means the work is NEVER done. The truth is, I felt guilty if I was out doing anything that wasn't in some way productive.
^^^ I could have written every word!! I'm trying to break free too. Funny thing about the guilt - I have plans to stay the night at a girlfriends house next friday, we're having a girls weekend (first time ever!). I asked girls 'i'll be gone all night friday and won't be home until saturday, I know you're old enough to stay by yourselves but can I ask dad to stay with you or check in on you guys? He isn't around much and would probably enjoy getting more time with you guys' (me again managing his R with girls, I need to stop that!) Both girls said no way. And I start to waver and say I don't want them to be alone, I'll get you dinner first, I don't have to go (fell into old patterns for a min). Then D18 says "you don't need to feel guilty or try to overcompensate for dad not being here". That woke me up, I was doing exactly that! Feeling guilty and talking myself out of having a life.
Funny thing about the guilt - I have plans to stay the night at a girlfriends house next friday, we're having a girls weekend (first time ever!). I asked girls 'i'll be gone all night friday and won't be home until saturday, I know you're old enough to stay by yourselves but can I ask dad to stay with you or check in on you guys? He isn't around much and would probably enjoy getting more time with you guys' (me again managing his R with girls, I need to stop that!) Both girls said no way. And I start to waver and say I don't want them to be alone, I'll get you dinner first, I don't have to go (fell into old patterns for a min). Then D18 says "you don't need to feel guilty or try to overcompensate for dad not being here". That woke me up, I was doing exactly that! Feeling guilty and talking myself out of having a life. 