Friday she left again. I was good. I was practicing STFU all through lunch. We ended up spending more time together since my awesome boss gave me the afternoon off. My W had quite a lot tears at lunch and throughout the afternoon. She did want to talk. She told me she was crying because she knew leaving would hurt me and she didn't want to hurt me. I told her I was fine and that if she needed more space and time, that I was prepared to give it to her. That I felt the first 3 months of our separation had been really good for me.
In our talks I told her that I felt that last Sunday when we had our productive arguing, I felt that she really heard me for the first time and that I felt validated and thanked her. I told her that I felt I could now put those grievences behind me knowing that she "got it". That was a good talk. Her AP texted in the middle of it. I didn't ask what was said but about an hour after lunch she volunteered it.
She said the AP was calling testing the waters and was very mad at her for not spending the holiday with her. That the AP was angry she was with me and was being combative and arguementative. I said "that must be hard." She opened up and said "We've broken it off 5 or 6 times but it's hard to just turn off feelings" My response was, "I understand. That's why you and I are here together right now." She said, "Exactly!"
So when she was leaving I asked if she needed any help (remember she is an ACTS LL) and I helped my W pack herself up to leave our home again. It was so very hard but I remained calm and breathed into it. (luv that SD!) I clearly stated to her this:
"You are leaving again because you need space. I am going to give that to you. I will not seek you out but I am here if you need me. Take good care of yourself."
She left. I got showered and dressed and went out to a show with friends. Then yesterday I spent the entire day at the beach with a friend who introduced me to some new ones. We went to dinner and it was a great day. I kept busy but I noticed that my W hadn't called or txtd. But I'm feeling strong. Then this morning she texted me when she woke up. It said she "hoped my weekend is going good and that I'm having lot's of fun.!!xo"
I waited a few minutes and responded I was having a great holiday. I knew she was too since she's with her brother and sent my love to my BIL & SIL.
She responded again that she "will! xo".
Today I'm relaxing, yard work and for some reason over-eating! lol!
Me(F):40 WAW:44 T:13yrs M:9yrs BD:2/12 (I saw a text) ILYBINILWY: 5/12 PA admission: 12/12 (began 3/11) S:2/13 Moves in w/AP D begins: 7/13 W moves home to R: 10/13
