I still like blue, what else?

[albamarie]

My H and I went to the city for dinner, H starts on why does society/God allow people to suffer, H says he's always been one (at 20yrs) who sat w city people for hours, listening patiently through their rants and suffrage passing out lunch. Who knew? He would park his Honda 2 blocks over, walk to them and after a while realizing he can't take it anymore, his car was his safe haven out.

He looks at me saying...I have returned to that part of me, and you, home, the family are my safe haven, it is in me to feel comfortable around these people, it's how I was raised!

Next thing he see's is EA walking out of a new bar, standing in a doorway to light a cig. Pointing her out he says, see, she is no prize, she is hideous, drunk, and I try to help her because she's a lost soul, I am a lost soul.

I said lets get go meet her… H says EA, this is my wife! In her raspy drunk voice she says, oh hey to H, she looks at me gently, nice to meet you...you look exactly like I imagined, you’re beautiful. Then turns to H and says, you need to stop with your angry talk, look at your W, and start appreciating what you have, stop coming around here.

She looks at me and says (raspy) he's trying to save the world. He looks at me, she has nobody, and we are a good family, why can't we help people. We drive away from her and he says, there is a good person in there. I'm not hurting you or the kids, I take care of the family first, I give her an ounce of attention when I can, and why does that have to be beyond the scope of M.

“H! Your approach is crossing the boundary of M! You rant your business to her, cell phone calls, visiting her apt w her friends to “party”, it’s beyond the scope of helping. Your addicted to the scene, you feel you belong as well as superior. Your using them and you know better, so your very much to blame, more than them, you seek their misery to make yours feel less”.

‘’I saw you try to be crazy like them and ending up frustrated that your not, you want to rise to the top, or fall to the bottom, you hate the middle! I’m in the middle.

H tells me, I love you, I am not leaving you, but I have left myself, so what does that mean. I don’t care, I have to work, and I am not looking for anything from this life. You’re fine, you’re smart, and you have the kids. Maybe this is all an illusion and I don’t know what I am talking about, I should just be happy, just “come back”, I know this!

But, now you see she is not my L’er. You call it an EA, your right, an ounce of attention taken away from the M should not be excepted, you have the right to demand my full attention, but this is about me, this is not even about her.