Time will tell if he's done...the question is how do you feel about the entire situation now? Are you done, sitting and waiting or moving forward and living your life as if he may not contact you again?
I am trying not to sit and wait although sometimes I am moving forward so slooowwly that it sure feels that way. One thing about being in a LDR for the last few years of our R is that I have a whole life that was separate from him. I have been to six funerals and sent out more than a dozen sympathy cards in the last five months. No one need remind me that we get one life and only a certain time to live it. At the same time, I am trying not to keep beating myself up because I am not healing as quickly as I would like to be.
Do I still think about him - of course. More than I should - yep, again. But I have noticed that I am less and less upset and that I can go for longer periods of time between thinking of him. Sometimes even a few hours will pass when I do not think of him at all.
Whenever I contact him (if I decide to contact him), I want to be sure that I have no expectations of a response or at least I want to be strong enough that if he does not respond or he tells me something I do not want to hear, that won't set me back to the beginning mentally and ruin all my progress.
Originally Posted By: mizjjd
Originally Posted By: snodderly
Portia, your independence didn't have a thing to do w/him flipping out. Please do not blame yourself for his walking away.
I second this. I guess this is something you'll have to sort out at your own pace. Let me tell you what it looks like from my couch - but I'm missing 2 light bulbs in the over head so maybe I don't see too clearly.
It looks like you feel you, your personality, are to blame for the R going bad. I sure hope I'm wrong on this?
It doesn't seem to matter who/how the LBS was before bomb drop, after bomb drop the WAS insists everything should have been 180.
MizJ you are too cool for words !
Our personalities still come out even in cyber-space. I have always been hard on myself - no exceptions. It used to drive my xSO up the wall. He told me once that if anyone else but me ever spoke to me like I spoke to me, he'd belt them.
Snodderly and MizJ, I don't blame myself for this whole flip-out. But I do recognize that the "reality" of our relationship allowed him and is allowing him to dismiss our R as "just best friends". Should we ever attempt to reconcile or even in a new relationship, I will have to make some effort to be more of a "partner". And if I am totally honest, I guess I do feel like that would hold no attraction for him anymore. Not while he is determined to live behind the white picket fence.
Now that I have recognized that, I also have to recognize that we were OK together for years so he could not have been that unhappy. I will put that lesson down and file it for future reference.
[quote=LindaM One thing that makes me feel that MLCers are crazy, desperate, depressed people and have not just suddenly become philanderers when they have these EAs and PAs, is that they try to hide them, but are SO bad at it.�[/quote]
Oh goodness yes! And they get so ticked when you can't stand it anymore and you go and check their e-mail! Up until he was cheatng on me, I went in xSO's e-mail all the time when he needed me to look for something. After he started his OW search, I realized he never asked me to go in his account. He hasn't kept a story straight since I found out. And now that I am paying attention - it was SOOOO obvious!
Have a great weekend, everyone. I am so grateful, as always, for your support.
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