Bea, I can relate to everything you wrote even though my boys are younger. My H has hurt them so badly and doesn't see this as his doing. Abruptly leaving and hurting them was something he had to do and, by the way, it was all my fault for a list of ridiculous and unsound reasons. I can see this theme continuing well into the future which is why none of us has any contact with him. We just want to be left alone to heal and rebuild our lives. H wants to live his life spewing justifications. It's total crazy making. I would rather remember the person that he was before all of this started.
I'm so sorry that so many years later you are still dealing with hurtful behavior. I can understand you just wanting your xh to go away until he can really understand and take responsibility for all of the destruction that he caused. He also will need to realize that rebuilding a relationship with the boys will be a slow and steady process and only if they want that. He can't just storm back into their lives and have an instant relationship. This says to me that it's still all about him and not about being the stable, loving father that your boys need. I'm sorry.
