I was just looking at old vacation pictures. We traveled a lot with our close friends. Those were such good times. We experienced a lot together. I'm so glad we took those trips. We all look so happy, including H. It's interesting that he looks back at those vacations and blames me for the cost of them. But there he is in the pictures, smiling. It's as if getting ready to turn 50 made him take stock of his life including all the money that was spent for decades and wishing he had it in his hand. I don't understand that. This has to be a gambler's mentality. A healthy person wouldn't look back and wish they had never taken a vacation.
It's not painful looking at pictures. Why is that? I don't feel sadness or anger. They just make me wonder, where did that person go? How did I not notice that my H as slipping away? (That question makes me cry?)
My H has only contacted our good friend once since he left. It was a quick text this past Christmas of all days. He must have been remembering good times and the connection. They haven't heard from him since. These were people we spent a lot of time with from the birth of our oldest children onward. The boys and I still visit with them and take weekend trips. The four of us had looked forward to many trips together even once the kids were grown. It's amazing that three of the four of us have had to deal with aging, sick parents, raising kids, etc. but never once thought of fleeing the family.
