NILWY - There is this "chemistry" b/w us

[InnerStrength]

Kim, I know with my W, I have never been able to depend on anything she says or promises since before BD - since the affair started, in particular. Even after the affair was exposed and we had started to develop a solid friendship, she would still lie to me about things and break her word. For instance, it was agreed that she would not have OM near our kids in any capacity. I took my oldest son to an event last month while we still lived together and she had him at our family home -- she didn't think D4 would tell me.

I called her on it and we had an argument which ended up in her recanting the agreement outright, which means now she won't even wait until S7 (who is the most deeply affected by the whole thing and unfortunately, thanks to another family member, knows what happened between those two) is gone -- he has to see this guy. They are no longer romantically involved but it still can't be easy for my son who is really fragile right now.

Anyway, my point is: the WAS will continue to lie or break agreements for quite some time. It got easier when I really internalized that statement about "Don't believe anything they say", and that means having the expectation that any agreement they make could be broken and anything they tell you at any point could be a lie.

I have a fantastic relationship with my WAW nowadays -- in her words, we are now "best friends" -- but I still wouldn't trust her for a second and that expectation does help to handle it when they do disappoint.

I don't know if it is healthy advice, but it is what helped me.