Crazy little thing called MLC

[Raine]

I'm at a wedding right now. Can you believe it? Yes I drove 5 hours with 4 youngsters and made it through a wedding without a casuailty. Yes. I kick ass. It's absolutely beautiful here and the kids are loving it. I'm lucky I have such well behaved kids. No way I could do this otherwise. It's a really nice place they rented. But I hate that it's hard on the emotions to be on my first little vacation without him. Why can't I forget him?

I keep checking in on here when I go to my room to feed the baby. I hate that I can never get my mind off of the sitch. I'm not ready to move on and date, and even if I was, could you imagine? "Sure! I'd love to go out. No I'll drive. I need the carseat so i can bring my newborn. Oh did I mention I have a two year old too?"' Sometimes I've wondered if H did this to me at this point because I am clearly not going anywhere for awhile.

T it needs to happen. He says he is off with OW1 and she isn't talking to him. But I don't know what to believe. I think it could be right back on. He is seeing someone else and I'm pretty sure it's ow1 but no idea. I got to think their relationship is very volatile and he likely uses me and his connection back to me at times as the reason for the bad in their relationship. I just don't know how he could think there was anything there when he would be cheating on her too? Just weird.

I feel like I need to have a convo with him and tell him to have at and that I need to stop being his friend while he figures it out. That I will see a lawyer and figure finances but I don't feel like I should be the one to file. I don't know. I almost think I should just say he should be the one to file and leave it at that and see the lawyer without telling him, to see where I'd stand. I need to talk to him as so much is left hanging, i just don't know what to say, other than what I posted before. I feel I'm capable of anything at this point. The vulnerability is the lack of confidence in what I'm doing. The goal would be H back fighting for me and our marriage. I can handle anything to get him there. But I don't know what would be the better approach. I've been his friend to keep the connection, as a comparison to others. But the result of that is platonic friendship.

I should clarify too that the previous convo didn't happen in anger. It's more that negative things were said. The negative things were me attacking ow1 and him saying it wasn't her fault. So I was actually very calm and even toned, I just made threats and then apologized for it. I said Im reacting to the hurt. I asked him how he would feel if i did this to him and he said the same way. Another thing, when I apologized to him for things in the past he said he has done much more to me than i to him. He continues to mention how much i have changed, with this hint that had I been this way before, he would have never done the things he feels he can't come back from.

AJ your a godsend. How are you still single? You just get it. You are my constant ah ha moment. You always pick me right back up again. Thank you for your really nice compliments. It means a lot to me.

I loved what you said about he probably never brought it up before because it wasn't a big enough issue. I thought, exactly! I'm frustrated that he came up with a list of things as the reasons but didn't want to give me any time to address them. Perhaps then he would have needed to come up with others. He just knew he was done and wanted out.