Yes she is. I would even say that she is keeping the conversation going when I think I've wrapped it up.
Let me clarify. I'm NOT talking about a 2nd chance at our marriage or geting back together.
Your questions are fair KD... and the fact that they sting means there is truth behind it.
Do I necessarily want to get back together with her.. no...
but do I want to know what it's like to have a relationship with her that's not negative or not the addict/enabler duo.. yes
I don't know if I could be friends with her... because I never knew X before she was an alcoholic, before she treated me bad caz she hated herself, before the emotional abuse.
I always wanted to. Always wondering what she would be like if she was "healthy". Now she seems to be getting there and I'm scared sh!tless. I really am.
Yes it is not alot of contact.. but its ALOT of contact for me. It's alot of her caring now when she couldn't the last two years.
I do a fair job of playing it cool to her.. but I just don't trust her. There is a huge part of me that wants to sit and down and go "my turn". Not to hurt her, but I just feel like she needs to put in the work for us to ever work.. even as friends.
I don't think she is there yet... otherwise she wouldn't have said "I don't want it to feel like pressure". Well it's gonna feel like pressure when there is internal work to do!
I'm rambling... but some days I wish it was still us not talking. I know that sounds ridiculous, but in some ways I really am at a loss here.
Yes I am standing back... letting her initiate contact.. and DBing... but it don't change the fact that I'm fearful. It doesn't stop this deep urge inside me that wants to protect myself.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
