you are on the same thinking path as me. its actually what i asked my IC on thursday to help me focus on. to help me find a gray area in things. i tend to see things in black and white when it is me that im dealing with. with others i have no problem seeing the gray. empathizing with them, understanding that things happen. helping them see the upside in situations and that they dont have control over everything. when it comes to me personally, its all or nothing. when someone does me wrong, i dont care why or what they do to get my trust back. i go into ultra protect mode. i see the things i have done in my life as good or bad. nothing else. for the life of me i cant figure out how to cut myself some slack. i really need to find that middle ground that you speak of. any thoughts are always appreciated. i really like brainstorming. goes with my problem solving nature.
as far as the trusting myself thing.. alot of that is addiction related. my decision making skills are lacking alot of the time. i am addicted to any kind of instant gratification. it is actually a huge step for me to turn down these women who want to fool around right away. i do it because i have found out through all my reading in this sitch that alot of women tie emotional feelings to sex. i do not. usually. i no longer want to be "that guy". so when it comes to trusting my intuition, i have been doing alot of second guessing. alot of these "crazies"i speak of, i never would have talked to if i just trust my gut. i think that goes with my no gray area thinking too. im not sure. i also second guess myself because of my XW. why did i trust her? why did i want to forgive her, no matter what? why do i still think about her? why do i miss our old life? i have answers for a few of those but not all..lol
i want to be with a wonderful, loving woman for the rest of my life. share all the great things that life has to offer. share all the bad times, and get through them together, becoming a stronger couple. that fairy tale crap you read about..lol i think that in order for that to happen, i need to continue being the best man i can possibly be. everyday. only then i believe, will god let me find that woman. she is out there. somewhere. im starting to think she is more than likely NOT in South Dakota!! lmao!!! and yes, so far i find my journey extremely worthwhile. it isn't all roses, but i wouldnt change where i am headed for anything.
Wii-
thank you for your support. and for sharing that with me. it is hard for me to share personal things about myself and my addictions with people as i am not proud of alot of the things i have done. that really helped what you said about remembering i am not my addiction. that is a way i have never looked at it. i have stopped my craziness and turned alot of focus onto re-building my life. the promises to do come true if you have the courage to stick it out and do the work. i see it at every meeting i go to. which is alot by the way..lol i'm glad it is an uphill battle. i don't place any value on things that come easy. when i really have to work hard and fight for something, that is when i really appreciate them.
