And I just keep going...

[keep_going]

Time for an update...

When my H went to Thailand with OW for 10 days and told me two days after his return that we'd be out of cash at the end of May. He said if he didn't have any job prospects by then, he'd have to move out of his apt. and go live with a relative or friend and that I needed to figure out how to pay my expenses. I immediately started looking for a job. I was freaked out about not having money to even pay for my rent.

My L was concerned that if I went back to work before H found a job, that he might ask for alimony and child support from me...

We decided to send him a proposal asking that we both agree not to seek alimony from each other until we both were employed.

H responded saying that he "agreed to not seek spousal support from me unless it was absolutely necessary to provide him with the resources for his minimum and basic living expenses."

All I can say is that I was crushed... Hurt, disappointment, disbelief, anger - I felt it all. I made the decision to let it all go. I called my L and told her to give him all he wanted. To draft an agreement where I agreed to 50% custody and where I permanently give up my right to seek alimony from my H and that I agreed to splitting the kids' expenses 50/50. We asked that he assume all the debt incurred since he stopped working, although I don't expect him to agree to that.

I told my L that my only non-negotiable is that I will not support him - ever. I am done fighting and I cannot deal with this stress, anguish and fear while I try to rebuild my life and support myself and my kids.

My L said I was basically negotiating against myself and suggested telling H that I was willing to give him what he wanted and asking him what he was willing to give in return.

H was furious and is now accusing me of using the kids as pawns and wanting to negotiate the custody.

Simultaneously I started working. H was furious that I only told him the day after I started working. In his proposal he has requested that we inform each other of a new job within 48 hrs. of starting it, so I was well within that timeline). Yet he claims I knew for weeks before I started (I did) and that I should have told him then. (I didn't trust him). His L accused me of ignoring my Hs requests for info about my job and salary (which was untrue).

H also admitted on Thursday that he has 7k (or more?) cash left from his unemployment. I asked him why he said in April that cash would be gone at end of May. I told him that I went back to work based on that information and that I have been worried sick about the lack of money. he said he miscalculated...

So it's been really rocky the last two weeks.

Work has been very intense and I have not seen my kids much. They are with H this holiday weekend. I miss them so much, but I also need this weekend to sleep, clean the house, do laundry and re-stock my pantry. I know I will get into a groove and things will settle, but it's been tough to have to go back to work full time.

At this point, I still don't have a proposal from H... If he seeks spousal support from me, then I'll deal with that when it happens. I cannot worry about the what if's and I refuse to live in fear anymore.

That is the latest...