Time for the Loop the Loop on this rollercoaster!

[SM34]

Sandi thank you for the quick response. Yes this has gone on way too long.

I need to touch base with my DB coach and see what she thinks.

As for mixing approaches from other forums, I see your point. But also I just want to point out that,my DB coach had the same position. That is, to show my wife that I am a better.option, to show her how desirable she is to me, to make her feel loved and appreciated. Thats pretty much competing with the OM just not in the exact same words as Dr Harley.

I have done a lot of reading over the last few months and I find a lot of the advice is similar even on different forums or books.

I think ALL marriage saving experts agree that you should show your strengts for some time before you move to the next stage.

In DBing that is a 180 followed by no contact or limited contact. In Dr Harleys world, its the carrot followed by the stick. Its really all the same. Not really mixing approaches, just giving her things to think about, like an attorney would do in his closing arguments infront if a jury.

There have been some strange things happening from my wife. For example yesterday when she found out her usual plan of Sunday to Tuesday with OM was not happening since day care is closed on Monday, she didnt seem bothered.

then she started messaging with I assume OM who may have put pressure on (minding reading a little). Then she messaged,me after I went to work that she had arranged for her mom to pickup D3 from day care and keeo her for the night and she was off to OMs.

Then she saud she packed a bag for D3.and asked if I can pick it up after work and bring it to her moms. But she didnt like the idea of,me picking up D3 then passing,by home to get the bag, then dropping her off at her moms.

She said she didnt want D3 to come home and,'realize she was gone'.

Interesting. Wife has not really cared if D3 realizes she is gone.

Plus, what does she think is the future of all of this. She clearly has no concept of a divorce and what that would look like.

She has also expresses doubts about OM to her best friend (who is working hard to get us to work it out, and prays for that every day). So she COULD be having second thoughts.

Either way, I think a separation would be good for her. She has to miss,me, and also see that yes we,may have done a few things wrongly in our marriage, but overall we had something good that we can work on.

Im trying to stay a little positive until after her birthday so I can be fun and spontaneous and unpredictable. After that, I need to pull back and start the reality check.

Another point is that I have NEVER answered her calls when she us with OM. She has tried to call, then messaged,me saying she wants to hear D3 voice. I just tell her she can talk to D3 anytime, just not when she is with OM. I am her father and primary guardian at this point and,my rules are in effect. And she has respected that without a fight, not even one.