Crazy little thing called MLC

[AJM]

He brings up all this stuff about me as that is the reason we are divorcing. All the stuff he never communicated about before.

That's likely because it wasn't ever really an issue worth talking about. Just things that he could use to "justify" what he's doing. Not to you. To himself and others that will listen. Good for the OW for breaking up with him when she found out. Shame she doesn't just kick him to the curb the rest of the way for lying, right? Her problem.

He knows he is lying. He knows he is f'd up. He knows he is not getting the reactions he expected and wanted from you according to "his plan". That's ok, R. It's about him, but that doesn't mean you have to play that part he wrote for you. It's one reason he is having such a hard time - he wrote the play but you aren't acting it the way he wrote it. And that's because he made it up. Sure, some of it is based on truth. There's always a sliver of truth in the best lies.

See it for what it is. He's f'd up, he knows it, but he hasn't hit that bottom.

He crossed lines. You'll have to decide (and mean it) if they are lines you not willing to tolerate. But no matter what, you need to shake off the lies and BS. He is simply trying to "justify" it to himself and the others he lies to. It's one reason they tend to pick new friends - the old ones see the lies and the trainwreck. And a MLCr cannot tolerate hearing about themselves. They just can't.

One reason you feel "relieved" right now is that you have been bottling up the emotions. If you're anything like many of us, it's because you wanted to see what would happen and didn't know 100% that H cheated, although you had a pretty good idea. Not guessing any longer is a bit of a relief. Letting out those emotions is a relief. But that doesn't mean that tomorrow you won't be on the other side of the roller-coaster. What just happened was a traumatic reminder. Know that you'll cycle a bit in the next few days/weeks/months. It won't be pleasant as you get that poison out of you. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to the kids (of course you will, but otherwise it's a run-on sentence and put the anger where it appropriately belongs only. And don't stay there in the anger too long, ok?

If it helps, I've been where you are to some degree. Many of us have. It's devastating and liberating at the same time to no longer be guessing and tumbling along in the dark. It's a raucous jumble of a ride.

TVS is right. He has been relying on you as a friend when he was prepared to fight with you.

Before you get that angry, figure out if he crossed a line that you cannot ever come back from. It might be best to tell him that talking to him "doesn't work for me" for a while.

But only you can know what is best for you and when it is best. Since there will be a flood of emotions in the near future, not talking to him might be a good idea.

My heart goes out to you Raine. I know it's tough to hear and go through this. At least realize what he says is cr*p and even he knows it. You are a great woman, mother, and I'm sure a great and very loving wife. My hat's off to you and I am very impressed by you.

Peace,
AJ