Tonight I went to church and the Pastor talked about his divorce. He talked about how he'd always had this need to perform, to make everyone happy... in his marriage, as a Dad and in his job. He'd felt that if he didn't perform he wouldn't be loved. He didn't deserve love unless he met a utilitarian need for others. He talked about starting to feel used in his marriage. He then talked about how, with the grace of God, he came to terms with it. Wow, I had tears streaming down my face. He was me! Sometimes I think that if I don't do for others then what is left for them to love. That s@cks! After church, I drove over to a church friends house, sat and cried and talked. A difficult evening but great to know people are there...whether I perform or not.
