HI PON... ((hugs)) and sooo sorry this is happening right now.
Instead of the ultimatum, wouldn't it be better to just go dim for a while? Possibly stop the pursuit too? Don't engage in her anger?... BE the best PON/Dad, inspite of what's going on around you! Take a moment, and live in the NOW. Drop the hot coal that is burning your hand. Let it go!
Continue to figure out your GAL options (like you tell me)... I am constantly hanging out with my neighbours, and it really helps, it distracts me ALOT. Glad to hear the acoustic jam at open mic was FUN! Thats awesome! Go as often as you can!
Listen to your co-d audio book and let me know if you find it helpful. Go to your meetings (I have found an addiction meeting held up the street at the church, I called, they said very good for co-d... so on Monday, I am aiming to go).
You have the right tools, you know them... Use them.
Patience!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Yes wfm that is my other option. It is very difficult to continue to DB again. There is a depressive pattern going on here. I can go dim as I can be with 2 young kids living under same roof and sleeping in same bed.
I know my options. Above as stated. Detaching and I'm working hard on that.
Today I am taking the kids all day. Movies, pizza , arcade...
Next week I will do alanon and open mic and maybe cards
If my wife starts to go out with rings off again acting like a highschool cheerleader that might be my boundary .
Honestly my comments might MIGHT have been a little passive aggressive but nothing to cause a w to check out of marriage again .
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Wfm , she is fine to kids, fn dog, and 12 dollar bunny. It's a lightswitch with me. She engaged a little with me today. I took the kids from 9 am to 9 pm on a rainy NE day. She watching tv downstairs so I went up.
Gab I had amazing day with kids and anxiety free. I keep reminding myself I have choices and that 99/100 wife's would love my azz I just happened to have the 1% lol
Today with kids: bookstore , GameStop , movies, pizza, arcade, baseball in rain lol, board games, baths , movie night in basement , phew....
Did not txt wife once throughout day. She finally txt me with some weird reason to txt
Wfm . I'm dropping the rope , coal , I am no longer let some hormonal mood freak rule my life. I feel bad for her but no longer take her cra. P I'm tired of living out of fear.
PON... when is open mic next? What are you hearing in the co-d audio's? What did she text about? Did you respond?
Tonight there is a meeting at the church available regarding addictions. When I called they said very good for co-d. I am trying to talk myself into going.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Wfm there should be no talking needed. Go and listen. Meet people. You don't have to share.
Coed books I'm learning I'm codependent. That allowing someone to control my mood or happiness is not healthy.
I highly advise you to attend . If I didn't have young kids I'd be doing more gal
Her txt was just asking if I was at her mothers. I took the kids all day and she had no clue where I was. When my W feels physically not well . Anxiety and her cycle loops her I get silent treatment . If I temp check I get roasted . So I let her sit with it and gal and remind myself I have choices I don't need to stay
I think my W may have read one of my personal emails between me and my ACOA sponsor. I was journaling the day. Nothing terrible in there besides talking divorce . I noticed my email was read and I never opened it. 25 says let it go. It's on her to come to me with issues. She's conflict avoidant so doubt it. She's been dead silent since I've noticed this.
Either way that is so very private and personal to me . My phone is wide open but to open browser on phone and goto gmail is lot of snooping
