Good for you! Definitely get off the crazy train. If she wants to get back together, she will do it. Anything else is as you say, scraps.
You want the real thing, so move forward and find peace. Only she can fix herself.
You're absolutely right Moth, early on my sitch someone has mentioned that I would know when she's ready to reconcile and work on the M. She needs to figure out what really the value of our M to her.
Originally Posted By: GALbaby
Hi Newman, its amazing to watch the transition of someone who is putting up with almost anything to get their marriage back, to an almost lightbulb moment when one finally makes a decision to stop fighting so hard. You have done all you can. You are a man only a fool would leave.
Galbaby, thanks. It's been two years and my boundaries have been stepped on 3 times, that's just a deal breaker for me while we are in the same roof. I wasn't trying to control her I just want her to move out if she's going to do those things. She's free to go. I know the A is a symptom but to me it's also a major road block to reconciliation. My gut tells me that maybe not at this moment but I think eventually the EA will start again and were back in the same cycle. It's a cheeseless tunnel it's time to break the cycle.
Originally Posted By: BrightFuture
I hope I will there one day, slowly moving on in that direction…
BF, we all have different timelines, once you are satisfy yourself that you believe you did everything you can--that's when you get there for you. Thanks for stopping by.
Originally Posted By: leopoldstotch
Newman I'm very happy to hear that you aren't willing to settle for her scraps you deserve better than that. Living like this is a benefit to her and not you. You know what you what now its time for you to go get it.
Leo, yes It's clear now what I want. I also feel that i need that space without seeing her to see if I'm really ok with everything that happened. I need to find myself and live solo for a while and see how that feels. Most importantly I'm on protect mode now to protect me from the repeated abuse of my boundary.
I'll have more later got to get to work.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Hey JP, thanks for asking. Still reading along when I can. Sitch is calm, But life at work is very very busy....been working 12 hr days. I think W felt for me for working long hrs and she cooked me one of my favorite dish the other night and I thanked her and I got a nice "you're welcome" response. That's one of her LL act of service, so I think she can appreciate my hard work for the family.
Anyway, just observing my sitch and I'm not excited about it. I do admit it does feel nice but I'm still in limbo and I still plan on getting off this limbo.
Time for new thread.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Newman Robx was a legend, his wife came back. Learn all you can from his posts. Gucci another guy to really study. A few other 'oldies' Bworl, Faithisbelieving, FrankD and Nomomopo (search Nomo may have spelt it wrong) These guys should be first stop for new LB husbands.
Good luck
Me 39 W 39 D8 S5 Married 13yrs Together 20years EA June 06 Ilyninlwy Jan 07 Seperated Jan 07
Newman Robx was a legend, his wife came back. Learn all you can from his posts. Gucci another guy to really study. A few other 'oldies' Bworl, Faithisbelieving, FrankD and Nomomopo (search Nomo may have spelt it wrong) These guys should be first stop for new LB husbands.
Good luck
I did a search for roxbo and only found links where his name was mentioned. Is there a way to find these peoples threads?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Most men myself included arrive here in total shock. We were no longer the men our wives fell in love with, for whatever reason, work, trying to please, whining about life.
Read The Way of the Superior Man, Hold onto Your Nuts and No More Mr Nice Guy. Wild at Heart.
This isn't about being a macho jerk, it's about being true to yourself.
Big caveat. I ended up divorced but these other posters and books have invaluable advice.
Me 39 W 39 D8 S5 Married 13yrs Together 20years EA June 06 Ilyninlwy Jan 07 Seperated Jan 07
Robx and Gucci were banned which maybe why they are not showing up, if that is the case it's a shame
Thanks stronger..I do would like to read more on their postings. Honestly, I'm in the point in my sitch that their approach is very compelling. I'll check out those screen names you mentioned too.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
Hi Sorry to interrupt! I have been searching for these threads but I can’t find them! Properly due to my searching skills I will be extremely happy if you will post some links to these threads. I would love to go through them! Be the best! Fartiltre
Me:44 W:43 D7, D5 (S11 from other R)
T: 8y - not M ILYB: 8. Mar 2013 W moved: 1. Aug 2013 LRT: 20. Aug 2013 _______________________________ Do or do not – there’s no try.
