Today I found out that my Mom's latest chemo failed. There is another drug to try, and she'll start that next week, but she's running out of options.
I don't know what I feel, not anger, but really bad toward my H for putting our family through this when my Mom has been so sick. He left weeks after her recurrence saying "there's never a good time."
I've spent the last 18 months grieving, getting my kids through a terrible trauma and dealing with the D and financial matters. I haven't been physically or emotionally available to the rest of my family the way I normally would have been. I don't blame myself. I had a totally breakdown after BD and am slowly recovering. I know I have to recover and take care of myself before I can be available to anyone else.
I feel so much pressure to keep everything together and make life the best I can from the boys. I don't know how I will get us through another loss.
Why did my H have to be so hurtful and destructive? Why couldn't he have just done the right thing all along by making sure our lives stabilized after he left? His R with the boys wouldn't be where it is and I wouldn't have struggled so much. I'm not an enemy, so why?
