Thanks FY and Papa. I am so grateful for the advice here when my head turns into a spin. Re losing my temper thanks. TBH it is more a feeling of deflated than anger. You just cant help thinking what else is lurking around the corner.

I am still thinking how would confronting help my sitch. I agree re there is no hope of our R progressing with OM in the picture. But would me confronting her speed up the A ending? Would she be that bothered if I knew anyway given she thinks our M is over? Would it help them if I knew because then they can come clean and live happily ever after? If she denies it do I just drive an A further underground and therefore pro-long the agony.

If I am wrong I could make things a whole lot worse. But unless I actually catch them I can never be 100%. I would say I am around 80% sure at the moment.

It really feels like a no win!...but if I do confront I need to be prepared for a) her denying it, b)me being wrong and c) her admitting it. TBH her admitting it would be the best of the 3 options and the only outcome that would not make the sitch worse IMO. The other 2 outcomes feel like they would be throwing wood on the fire.

I feel like my sitch and me personally have come a long way since BD. When I look at my R with W now compared to last October there is a world of difference. I would hate to go back there. There has still been no mention of D and she has made the odd comment re her place to suggest its not a permanent arrangement. The latest one being she hates the grass in the backyard because its full of dandelions. If it was her own place she would take the time to repair it but because its only rented there is no point.

I completely agree re picking up the slack so she can spend time with OM. She has not mentioned this in our last 3 meetings and not sure if she was just testing the water. It feels like she often throws stuff into the mix to see how I will react. Like the stich with her brother and her being guarantor for the loan. Again this has fizzled out and not heard anything more about it.

.......and then there are the little niceties, hugs, bday present, saying how much she misses me......and of course the emotions (her crying when we meet....although not as often now)

IDK, I will need to think about this some more and would like to hear others views on this as I believe it is a topic that has differing views.

Thanks so much for the advice as it helps me work through things logically instead of emotionally. I am still just about maintaining a PMA but have to say my head feels battered at the moment.

Also thx for the belated bday wishes. Feels more like Halloween smile Its like a rollercoaster and the house of horrors rolled into one.