I have already ready both DR and DB. We have been going through this for probably 3+ years but I did not find this forum or the books until about Oct or Nov of last year so before that I admit I did the wrong things.
Yes, H was for sure in a fog before that but did not see it. I do admit that since he has been completely off, about 2 months now, he does seem much better. Probably a combo of being off and being further along mlc? We had been in counseling through most of it but he stopped for about 5 months to get off meds. Why he felt the need to do that I'm not sure. MC was not doing anything but maybe for him individually it might have.
When I read all of the information given to me I get the feeling he is further through the tunnel than not I think. I think he has given up OW although she is pursuing heavily. She stopped contacting me.
KD, I do feel like I am ready to move on. I am very thin on patience at this time. I do think it might be because I feel like if he felt any remorse at all he would want to work on this. I have to keep remembering it's not that easy for him, right? I really don't want to break up my family. Even though my kids are older I still can't give up too easily.
I have read that sometimes they need to be nudged along but you have to be careful. Sometimes I think he got stuck for a while because things were so easy for him. Yesterday he spent the time he got off work until about 12:30 here. But his friend was here and the kids and he was working on our pool heater with his friend. His friend by the way has been very supportive for us getting back together and it is his best friend.
As far as 180s and GAL. I have been going out more and doing more with the kids. The funny thing is he criticizes me when I go out saying "shouldn't you be cleaning up this house instead of going out boozing"? Stuff like that. Another time he got mad because he said I didn't come over here to help clean up so you could go to Happy Hour tomorrow. I didn't even ask him to come over. He stopped by and saw me working outside. He also didn't think I should go see just about all of my daughter's college soccer games. He hardly went to any and I went to almost all of them. He thought I should be home more. So I don't think he likes it but I told him I'm not going to sit around to see if you are going to come over.
He would tell me that he didn't feel like I loved him anymore and didn't appreciate the things he did. I make sure that I am doing both of those. I also have/had a temper. That is huge. Even after he told me about OW I stayed calm. Big change for me. I still tell him when appropriate, I love him. Not sure I should be doing that though. Of course he doesn't reply or he'll say "I know you do".
Like I said earlier, he is starting to see that divorce may not be the answer. My oldest has been watching home movies and he said that has really gotten to him. He said he also started thinking about life when they got older and how that would be if we were divorced. I think he was thinking how would a wedding be, holidays etc. So I think that is a good sign right?
He said he needs time alone to work on himself and I totally agree he needs to work on himself. He blames me for everything bad that has ever happened in his life. But I don't know how much longer I can stand in limbo. He said he has given up OW - which is I think why this all happened with her. She panicked. I would like to do things together, not just at home, but he never wants to and never asks me to do anything. That hurts and even though I have been trying to detach, I think because this has been going on so long I am starting to think if I shouldn't just move on. I am not the type to date while still married.
M 48 H 50 M 25 T 27 D 20,18,15 6/11 H filed 3/12 H dropped 4/12 H moved out
