You WILL remain stuck and get worse unless you tell yourself, very loudly in your head STOP!!!
Michele even talks about picturing a stop sign in your head, some people swear by that technique. For me it worked a lot better to make myself busy. When I was sitting around doing nothing is when my thoughts started eating at me, so I had to get up and do something. Go grocery shopping. Do laundry. Pick weeds. Work out. Work on a motorcycle. Call a friend or relative. Just something to divert my mind to something more productive.
Originally Posted By: lostforever
I need to give WAW a chance to miss me
Yes. But you can't look at it that way. YOU need to detach and GAL. A BYPRODUCT of that is your W may miss you, but that is NOT why you do it. You do it for you.
Quote:
and to reply to the good things I have been doing for her.
That probably won't happen. WAS's will lap up all the good things LBSs offer, but rarely even acknowledge the favor because they "don't want to give the wrong impression". Drop those expectations!
"It is just hard to do NC i told my theropist and DB that NC is hard and i feel the longer the time goes by the less of a chance there is WAW will come back."
Yes it is hard, but you can do it. YOU have to CHOOSE to live. Not because it will bring your W back, but because that is the best thing you can do for you.
Did you watch the Zach Sobiech video? His best quote was: "You don't have to be dying to start living." So true.
"But DB said that has not been what she has seen. It can take a long time more than what i have done so far. that kinda helped me just hope she was not saying i to make me feel good. I know i should not think that but I did and do. but I have to try and Trust the God is working through the DB team and you guys."
This is good thinking...HOWEVER, don't use it as a crutch. YOU have to start walking on your own. You have the strength in yourself. YOU can climb out of the hole you feel that you're stuck in.
"I want things better now !!!"
Did you know that it took 3 years before my W even talked to me? Patience.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
This is so hard not contacting WAW. But even harder at this point is moving out of the house we both rented and lived in when together. I'm staying in house till the 31st but moving all but a TV sectional and a light.
I am waiting for the last min to stay with my Dad.
I also started looking for a house to buy not rent. I need to just keep doing what is good for me. the loan pre approval is hard but i got approved for 250,000 only thing hurting me is WAW car loan. they have to use that as part of the process. takes away from available income. ugh even if she is the one paying.
trying to keep my head up but one step at a time.....
I think that you could quit using the term WAW when referring to your W. Using the term constantly just gives it power to me.
As far buying your own place... Nothing says "got a life" like new digs. The car thing has been a source of of problems for you. I also think that you use it as a way to have reason to contact your wife. I am going to pay off my truck soon to end the tie between me and my wife. It is a tenuous hold at best.
I would use the time at your father's place to stash the cash and really find a place that meets all of your needs and wants.
Hope you are feeling better today.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
thanks guys, It just hurts thats all. I moving 99% od stuff out today and leaving just the couch and light and TV to stay here at rental till i have to go on 31. I dont know how that will work out but it is better then staying at my dads. yes you guys have no idea how bad it is at my dads and what i will put up with. this is going to be hard for me very hard. i think leaving this rental is also hard as it holds lots of good memories for me. also one more thing i have to let go of. really what can i call mine at this point no home to come home to even this last wee. it is not a home it is a shell.
Yes i wanted to talk to W today and tried to stop by the weekend job to say hi. again she was not there and i hate that. She says she needs money but she is not working at the 2nd job any more as far as I can tell. The joint account has a minus amout in it and the DB coach told me to leave it lets see what she does.
all i can say is it feels like she walked off the face of the earth the past week or since i last saw her. I do love her and sure i always will i just pray some day that it will work out again. and that is the hard part waiting. But like it has been said it took 3 yrs to have wife talk to you.
why is it i have such a drive to know where my W is living? this eats away at me every day..
Just lots going on in my head with moving lots of feelings...
I think it's a drive inside you because it's a control issue. The way I see it is that it is better that you don't know where she is. It would just drive you crazy. In some respects I'm glad that I live 1000 miles away from my wife. I can't do late-night drive-bys. I have no chance of running into her or seeing her out with someone else.
Just because you sleep at your father's house doesn't mean you have to live there. It also does not mean it is permanent. Keep a PMA about it.
Look, we all miss our spouses. Dwelling on it just magnifies the pain.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
The drive inside me is always there for a lot of things. But i need to figure out how to redirect some of that drive and focouse it on me. That has always been something i have been told is im always out trying to help others and give give give W even said that one time.
I get the drive thing with wanting know know were she lives. Im trying to work on that. Ok so Here is a feeling I have I have been dealing with.
The feeling/Thought is as of today I have not told anyone where I am going to stay. All I have said is that i do not have a place to go yet.just hard to find a place that will take a dog. But I feel like i do not want anyone to know my location. I even feel like changing my phone number. this way everyone will say where did I go? maybe make her think more. Is that stupid or what? I just do not want to loss the contact i do have with my stepdaughter. she even calls me her stepdad. She has come a long way and she has been relying on me for someone to talk to to help help her everything.
But i still want to or feel like just making it look like i dropped off the face of the earth. I will be staying at my dads for a while and it is on the other side of the river. meaning a place she would not even look and away from her for me not to run in to her as often. But I am looking to buy a house now and it will be in the area of where she was is whatever. i like this area a lot and the houses are priced nice..
