we own a business - pt 9 ... its about me!

[makingmagic]

TX KD... I have totally trusted my h, and with reason... he was/is trustworthy in both busines/relationship. However, since BD, I question a few things (as others have asked me to look closer... but, when I do, I don't see anything to doubt, not really). Since our convo yesterday, he has suggested that I don't lean on him and to not necessarily "trust" him. To do my own diligence to verify what I need to do for myself. Not suggesting to NOT trust, but to protect myself, without his guidance. I don't like this position.

Yes, sometimes it makes sense when I am to be around for work and others not so much... BUT, HE is the deciding factor. Its very confusing. Most times, he is insistant that I be there for clients (cuz we play good cop/bad cop). Other times, like today he felt he can deal with client himself. Meanwhile, I begin to get ready for the day, only to hear he will handle it. Same with tomorrow's venture, if he had to be there for 8am.. I'm sure he would insist I go (he needs to feel that it is "fair" and I should be up early on the road at 8am too). H is Libra (always watching and making sure to balance the scale).

H always is questioning what I do, when I am not physically working along side of him. Questioning if I am working as much, as hard, as often as he is. Judging me. Telling me that he deserves more because he works harder, physically, in the cold, in the dark, in the rain, ensuring to tell me that he takes client calls at 6:30 am and as late as 11pm. complaining that he takes all the client complaints/issues and has to come up with excuses.

Yes... I do look for validation from H both personally and business, because he is sure to point out all the negatives and mistakes I make ALL the time. I honestly can't win for losing with this guy 80% of the time. Its frustrating and exhausting trying to always "THINK" what is the right thing, only to find out NO.. wrong again! H feels the need to control ALL areas of the business, and does not fully trust that I can handle much without his overlooking things. Although, I do impress him from time to time. And, the reminder is the way our account looks at the moment!

If you can imagine, 7/8 years ago this business proposal was presented to me (during a separation that I intitiated), as a means for us to "come together" financially and to have a mutual interest that would help keep us together. We were separated for 4 months, and I jumped at the opportunity instead of holding out and working on our relationship and possible M.

Now that we have recovered financially to a nice position. H was telling me the balance this morning. I suggested that I take what is owed (back salary, loans). H didn't have an issue with that. This initially was HIS suggestion, that I have been waiting to see if he would offer and follow through with.

KD... I am trying to give you the whole pictures. I appreciate ALL your comments... Please let me know if you see anything else I could/should be doing.