Wife dropped the bomb on me two months ago

[MrBond]

"I did not want to show her my paystub since we are technically separated."

But she relies on that paycheck to pay for the basic necessities for her and your children, correct? You said that she pays the bills so of course she needs to know how much is coming in.

"She has no intentions, as of today, on working on our issues."

And she has a right not to want to do that.

"I wasnt comfortable showing her. This is an effort on my part to protect myself in the event of her filing for Separation or D"

No, this is you trying to control the situation. You can't just dictate how much to give your spouse just because you feel like it.

"I did not show her so I could set up boundaries about financial matters."

You're trying to control the money and her.

"Perhaps, not showing her the paystub, is the wrong boundary to establish. Please let me know, beforehand, if I should give her a copy of the paystub."

yes you should.

"She wants me to act like I am her devout husband (which I am), when she is not acting like my wife."

Mindreading. This is just your sore feelings making you feel like this.

"I will keep acting "As If" as long as it takes or until I decide I have had enough. I know she is stressed out about what has happened to our M and R. I know she is stressed out about what this will do to the kids and her parents and the rest of her family."

But you don't treat her as such.

"I do not blame her for this."

It sure sounds like you are or at least hold some major resentment against her.

"She feels hurt and scared and I try to relate to her that I understand that. "

Keeping the money away from her isn't showing that.