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oh wait... when he was shouting at me, I did ask if he'd like me to pull over so that he could get out. he reminded me that the car was 1/2 his... so I said, OK.. I will pull over and let myself out...is this kind of the same thing as saying don't speak to me like that, bond?


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
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ok.. so now he just texted me... "sorry for upsetting you, I do know you try to do the right thing"


I just remembered too, that I was trying to say to h that I dont get "mad" at him.. I get upset for him being "mad" at me.

Here is a silly example of his admitted "carry over" from yesterday that he was MAD at.... I refused to shake a clients hand yesterday because it was quite greasy. H didn't realize earlier that I had joked earlier with the client about him using a rag to review the vehicle as to not get it dirty. Regardless, H thinks I should have shook his hand. Disrespectful/old school. Now, I see h's point.. I agree... but to be MAD at me? to "carry it over" and remember it? That's just screwy!!

Should I respond to H?... I'd like to say something about the handshake... or shall I pretend I didn't get it and was exhausted and fell asleep?


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,561
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after a half hour, I replied "thanks, I appreciate you telling me".... sure hope that doesnt make me seem hopelessly wrapped and available to him. My male friend seems to think so, frown


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,561
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Bond? PON?.... anyone?

I am trying so hard to detach/dim . Still learning how to be dim and not be baited by his pursuit to ensure I am still "there". But, I feel an apology was worthy of a reply. My friend thinks that my reply sounded hopelessly wrapped and that he can probably see through my attempts to be aloof. That I sound like I really want him to care enough to apologize.

I have to work with him again today and tomorrow.

I want to be the woman he respects and appreciates.


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,561
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oh also... I have forgotten how to validate. I am not sure what to say, when H is asking me things like... I bet you feel the same when he was discussing running away, etc. Or how long his list is about all the things he is overwhelmed with. All I could do was STFU and nod. Is there a link on validation? or good advice? TX !


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
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Posts: 4,866
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wfm, just to give some quick feedback right now:

Originally Posted By: waitingformagic
I want to be the woman he respects and appreciates.


This is still very prominent in your life. That you are worried about how he sees you.

Really important for you to work on this, that at the end of the day, it is YOU that needs to respect yourself and appreciate your value and deeds.

If ANYONE else notices, that's a bonus.

If your work arrangement was NOT with your H, how would you conduct yourself?

I understand it's difficult to separate the two, yet it remains so important that you figure that out for yourself.

When you "go to work" in the morning, what is on your mind? Work...? Or your SO...?

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Hi KD... no, I actually do think "work".. and stay in "work" mode,

But, you are right... I need to respect myself!

Can you give me advise on validating? Also, can you read my sitch from yesterday, and see if I handled it in the DB way?


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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You just validate and "understand" what he's going through. BUT you don't need to validate or agree to his actions.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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ok.. tx bond. New sitch: Normally h & I purchase our inventory together. Well, he just informed me that he will go on his own tomorrow, as Saturday is a busy client day (we have NO appts!!)???. He then threw in the mix that he will leave a vehicle there and drive a diff one back, leaving one there so that he can possibly catch a ride back with a friend sometime on the way to a cottage. He even said, that if I go tomorrow, then he wont... he will stay behind as he feels it will be a busy client day here.

Now my thinking is that that is his point... so that he can entertain this cottage and have a vehicle there to retrieve at his convenience.

Would it be alright to say... I understand the whole cottage attraction if that is your goal, but it doesn't make sense for us to leave a vehicle there, when we normally go together and drive 2 away? This way it allows him to feel he can be honest with me, if that is the case.


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
No. Don't say anything. Just tell him, "have fun" and go out and make plans on your own.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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