MLC step by step...what's next?

[Lilith]

Thanks Snodderly!
Unfortunately yesterday (my b-day)didn't went well for me. I didn't feel good and quite sick (colds, cough, feverish) so I didn't do anything special or nice for me :-(

Today, I stayed home (feeling better) and started cleaning up my storage room; there's a lots of things that I need to get rid of....(old stuff, H's stuff that he forgot etc.) It's hurts seeing those things that has memories, sentimental values, things that became part of our lives; Its difficult and I'm really having a hard time to accept that these will be gone forever. I could not finish sorting things out...I just cried!!!

As if it wasn't enough pain...awhile ago a friend (IT man who work with us) let me know that the computer in H's apartment is ON the whole day while H is at work...that means OW is in his apartment right now. It hurts it hurts...my mind is spinning,there's again the "movie" playing in my head, I want to get this OW off my mind....it's driving me crazy!!!

Now, I told the friend (nicely)that he doesn't have to report to me anymore any information about H's computer activities or whatsoever. This friend of course has been very helpful in the past months in finding out about this OW ...but now I decided it has to stop now...'coz I gain nothing but pain.

Continue moving forward.

HOW can I continue moving forward???
Please help...I need help!!!

Thanks!

[makingmagic]

((Hugs)) Lilith.

You have been doing quite well moving foward. Go find something to do, get out of THIS moment!

[~ kd ~]

Lilith, one of the best things to help move forward and get your mind off "things" is GAL.

Are there any activities you used to do that you enjoyed and no longer do? You might consider getting back into those things and alternately, doings something that you've always wanted to try, but never got around to.

There are a lot of different activities for GAL, some are free (like taking a walk in the park) to not so free. What are some things that you can do? Even if it's stuff you can't afford, put everything on the table and then pick the ones that work for you, right now.

[Lilith]

Thanks wfm and KD!

KD, yes I am GALing as much as I can. I have no problem with activities for GAL 'coz I have and do plenty of it. To name: I follow Salsa dance lessons (Tues. and Wed.) I run 3xweek (Monday, Thurs and Sat.) I go out with a friend to movies or an afternoon tea or shopping. I go swim once in awhile if I like to... I also have some hobbies like photography and jewelry making. But inspite of all those activities...the time in between these activities and my work or at the end of the day...I can't help myself but think of H (and OW)

Journaling:
Today H and I went together to a funeral. It felt so weird especially seeing some friends and people who knew about our sitch and seeing "us" together. At one point H introduced me to someone as "my wife"....I was speechless for a moment but it surely nice to hear.
On our way back to the office, we had a nice talk... about our son, work, the weather etc. then all of the sudden...his phone!!
He got a text message, he read it (while driving) and then smiled...I was bit annoyed and before I realized it, I've said what I shouldn't have! I said something like "You can call "her" or text her if it can't wait and just pretend I'm not here" (sounding sarcastic & jealous!) H became defensive and told me to stop ...he told me who texted him and whats its all about. I was embarrassed and immediately apologized. We did not talk much after that.

(Sorry about my english...I hope my story is understandable enough. It's quite difficult to express and explain things....
my excuses!)

[Lilith]

It's been awhile now since my last post. 'Been quite busy with work and GALing...though nothing much changed really with my sitch. I'm not sure either whether there is progress in "me"...and I have a feeling that doing dim hasn't or isn't doing anything to improve our R.

I was actually feeling "OK" this past weeks except of course for some days that I'm feeling so alone and lonely and missing H so much. We talk (but purely business) and get along well at work.
During father's day, S22 asked me if it's alright with me to invite his dad to come over for BBQ,I said why not?..so he came by and we had bbq the three of us. He seems relaxed and enjoyed the family meal. We talk things like;... work, business, our friends, family, neighbours etc. except about "us" or about his life being alone (or with OW) or me being alone/with our S. He asked how things here at home (domestic problems) but never ask how I really am doing. I guess he really doesn't care even a tiny bit about me anymore and I feel sad when I think about that.

Few weeks back he mentioned he was going to come on a saturday (tomorrow) to help me & S22 clean up the garage and bring the garbage and old stuff waste to the container park. So, this morning he said he will be at home around noon time so I asked if he wants to join lunch with us then? He declined. Not that I was really hurt (because I prepared not to have any expectations)...but I just get annoyed when he tries to explain & makes excuses which is obviously very lame excuses. Why can't he just be honest!!!
So, now I was wondering if my casual/friendly invitations would be considered as pursuit? Should I stop asking or inviting him?

[Lilith]

So yesterday H came to bring to help bring the trash to the container park. I thanked and told H that I really appreciate him helping me out. Offered him wine and talked for awhile. H suddenly remembered something and went to the basement then came back with the motor helmet, MY motorhelmet H bought for me few years when he had his first motor and said that he is going to take it with him. I was shocked & said...so you're going to use two helmets now???!!! and then added..."Oh yeah of course OW can use it in one of your motor rides adventures"!!!

I'm really hurt, to think that I was able to use it only ones since he never invited me to ride with him anymore because he said he is not comfortable having someone back riding w/ him...and now OW will be using my own helmet he bought for me!!! Gossh!it was a slap on my face! What was he thinking???
H said, Ok no problem, I will leave it here.
I said, No! bring it w/ you if you need them!!! H took the helmet and left.