Hello my friends!! Life has been super busy for us. Busy good, busy sad. Busy growing...both emotional, spiritually and mah belly!! 28 weeks in and baby boy #3 is kicking up a storm. Still able to run up to 6 miles, but the route must have a bathroom along the way. MUST!
My uncle had a biopsy last week and it's confirmed stage 4 cirrosis. He'll be dead within the year, probably a few months with his continuted drinking. My mom is having a really hard time with it. She doesn't accept that he won't stop drinking "maybe if we say...if we do..." I'm very grateful that today I can let people be themselves. I let her talk. Then I just say. "This is hard mom, but just try to accept he won't stop. If he does, we can celebrate. But do you want the last moments with him to be filled with arguing, or just loving him. Warts and all." I choose to take this time to say goodbye to a dear, sweet, loving man & father who has a disease. I just want him to know that I love him, because I know he doesn't love himself. He's angry, sad, and scared.
H has been very consistant in showing up when he says he is going to, consistant in placing no blame on me and being very respectful and caring. This weekend we sat down to talk about where to go from here when his lease is up. Then he layed this on me. He wants to be with me. He doesn't know if he can be the man he wants to be and that I deserve, but he wants to try. Broke off all contact with OW, admitted to the multiple W he has been sleeping with since gone. Won't say who, as to not involve them and I respect that. Handed me his phone records, which floored me since he had to get them from work, and highlighted the OW #'s so I would know who's those were. Gave me passwords to everything. I really was just surprised he came WITH it all. We discussed that either way, whether I decide he can live in the house until we can get the finances worked out before D or actually try to see if we can R, he would live in the basement bedroom. I had a list of things other than the above stuff, ie pick kids up from daycare 2 times a week, cook dinner twice a week, help out with housework. When I asked what he needed, he said "Nothing. Every small complaint I had, you have changed. So....yea."
I told him I was close to being ok with him moving back. I don't want to start my life as a single mom financially ruined, so it does make sense if he is able to live up to these things while here. I said I would need time to think about actually working on a R with him. I lean mostly to no. So, that's probably my answer. But, thanks to DB...I feel no need to rush to a decision.
I'm overcome by how far I've come in this journey. 6 months ago I came here having thought I was happily married (with distance and some more than normal disagreements) who just found out that my H was a serial cheater and wasn't "in love" anymore. I was desparate to save my M at all costs. Then I found out I was pregnant. Weeee.... Today, I know my worth. Today I am wonderful and happy alone with my 2 beautiful babies and the little one growing. I can breathe, wow. I remember in those first few months after BD, the panic attacks, the sobbing, the darkness. But I came here, and through you all, DB, counciling, God, I focused on me. What I want to change to be a better, stronger T. And I am. What I want in a relationship, what I deserve. I live in the moment, today. I still cry now and then. This wasn't my dream on my wedding day. But, it's my story. My life.
My story is still being written. Today I really don't see a marriage future with my H, but I also see no rush to make any final decisions. That, in and of itself is a miracle. Of course I still love him, but that isn't enough. That isn't the driving force in my decisions. How I am treated is.
Headed out to teach a bootcamp tonight! Hill sprints in this heat...gonna treat myself and the kids to some yogurt world!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Wow, wow, and wow...that's all I can think to say. Wow!
It is interesting how the tide has turned...exactly like they "prep" us here. Once YOU (the LBS) let completely go, the WAS wants you back. ONly you aren't sure you want him back any more.
I'm so happy for you for the person you have grown to become. You have so much self-worth & deserve to be treated with respect, honor, dignity and love.
Wow.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Hope to make it there some day. You're story has given me so much strength. Knowing how strong you are & where you've been lets me know that it can be done & I'll be there some day. With or without WAS we can do it! Your story is inspiring.
M 34 H 35 D 7 D 6 M 10 T 14 Pregnant w/ boy/girl twins-due 12/2013 BD 12/15/12
I am so happy to read your update and all I can say is - You've made it!
Regardless of what happens to your M, you've made it... You've found and reconnected with Tallula and you won't let her go ever again.
(((((Tallula))))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
28 weeks in and baby boy #3 is kicking up a storm. Still able to run up to 6 miles
WOW!! You are my hero Anyone that complains about not having the time to GAL needs to read THIS! 28 weeks pregnant, dealing with a WAS and still running 6 miles, that is totally awesome
Quote:
but the route must have a bathroom along the way. MUST!
HAHAHAHA! And a sense of humor in the midst of this too
So sorry to hear about your uncle, that's terrible! The advice you're giving your mom on this is wise indeed. She has to detach and let him live what's left of his life as he chooses.
Quote:
Then he layed this on me. He wants to be with me. He doesn't know if he can be the man he wants to be and that I deserve, but he wants to try. Broke off all contact with OW, admitted to the multiple W he has been sleeping with since gone.
WOAH!! Well congrats Sounds like you're taking it slow, and by all means do that. Lay out your boundaries and come up with ways of enforcing them. Fingers crossed that when your baby is born you'll have a loving H by your side!
Quote:
Today I am wonderful and happy alone with my 2 beautiful babies and the little one growing. I can breathe, wow. I remember in those first few months after BD, the panic attacks, the sobbing, the darkness. But I came here, and through you all, DB, counciling, God, I focused on me. What I want to change to be a better, stronger T. And I am. What I want in a relationship, what I deserve. I live in the moment, today. I still cry now and then. This wasn't my dream on my wedding day. But, it's my story. My life.
After reading Kate's thread, I really started pondering what has been the greatest "shift" that has allowed me to find peace. I believe it is that I have no expecations. I don't do things with a "goal" or "outcome" in mind anymore.
When we get here we are so desparate to save our marriages. Not to change, not to find peace in this storm, TO GET THEM TO SEE, TO GET THEM NOT TO LEAVE!! I remember just being panicked that he was mean to me for an hour and would it be like this tomorrow...it must be fixed today! Now, I was able to have this conversation with H and not feel rushed to answer or ask when he will move back in, or anything. Time is a gift. Time gives you perspective. Time allows the truth to unfold. My truth. Time holds the answers, not my mind.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
That's great news ... take it slow and don't lose your peace. Btw I'm only half way through your sitch, there's a lot to read
I hope things turn out well for you. And I hope in my situation that I have half of the grace that you have had in yours.
M: 43 W: 43 Married: 17 Together: 20 BD: 4/8/13 no legal or physical S as of yet 3 kids: S:14 D:13 D:9 W admitted EA: 5/5/13 Mediation started: 6/3/13 W says EA is done: 6/30/13 - still interested in D
sounds good Tallula....have you decided what you want now?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
