The DB lesson I learned on my previous thread: If you are not ready to rock the boat or have your MLCer disappear resist any and all attempts to have a R talk. Even when the MLCer insists.
It is ten months from BD and there has been no contact, after quite regular contact, for the last seven weeks. Since R talk.
We were together for 18 years, no children, never married and for the last couple of years were long distance so we no longer live in the same City. My xSO has changed and was changing. I missed all the signs - the desire to hit the gym, the constant reading on the latest fad diets, the compliments became non-existent, was hardly interested in sex, wanted to move out of his apartment, overhaul his finances, purge and change all his furniture, his habits and started withdrawing from me. I thought it was just stress. Then came the ILYBINILWY, spending time with me seemed "wrong", "i hate you" came out once, "life is too short" and "I have decided I want a family" when he never did before. Of course, I was unaware until I blatantly snooped that there was an OW already in place by the time BD came. I was also unaware that he was already trolling for an OW long before she came in the picture. I was the last to know - the OW was already introduced to some of his family. Long distance allowed the lies to go on longer than they otherwise would have.
The GF is a (now) divorced mother of two young children. HIs main attraction to her appears to be that she "is a good mom" and that the "two year old is amazing". Her appeal is the family. They have not moved in with each other as yet, as far as I know. I was told they discussed it (although that was later denied). I am also aware that she lives with her ailing mother. My xSO's mother is also ailing.
Personally, I have learned that heartbreak takes its own time to heal. I am not yet healed nor detached. And that it is so unlikely that we will ever rebuild our relationship.
I have learned how to be a better partner. I was too independent by far for someone who was part of a couple. He used that against me but I can now see my errors. He was not perfect but I could have been so much better. So this was a good lesson to learn. The flip side of that is that I have lost my trust in him, in me and I find that I trust other people less.
At Snodderly's suggestion, I am aiming for NC initiated by me until July. Sometimes I wonder if I will make it and at other times, I think what is the point of contacting him at all. There really is nothing left to say and if he is determined to keep going down his own road without even treating me as a good acquaintance, there really is no point.
I feel if he has not contacted me in all that time, that also sends a very clear message to me that he is done.
