What's Going On?!? - Cautiously Contemplating

[RealityTrip]

Thanks for the support friends! Papa... the W is definitely "Acts! Big time. It's sad that in the beginning of our marriage I recognized that she would become physically affectionate when I was what she called "productive". Meaning getting things done. Projects and such around the house. I used to tease her about it. (Ugghhh.. I wish I knew then what I know now!) I would joke with her that watching me clean or cook etc... turned her on almost in a goofy way. She laughed along back then but now I know. I know that when I was pulling away from my wife and ignorantly not doing even the smallest "Acts" because I resented her being on the road... In her perception I was taking away my love for her.

When we are together now, as limited as that may be with the S, I feel I need to express love to her in that language again. I neglected it and her for about a year before her A began.

My only problem is... if she goes round 2 on the A. I have to keep my personal boundry of no marital relationship while she is in A. It's sometimes like walking a tightrope isn't it?!?!? Delicate balance.

SIDE NOTE: DB'ing has made me a better friend too. I had a friend tell me she was upset with me yesterday and felt I had not been totally honest with her on something. I don't know how it happened (lol!) but I just listened, validated, understood her point of view and apologized that my actions had hurt her. Made no excuses. Didn't try to control the conversation and make her see my point of view. After a few minutes she said "ok. I'm done." I responded "I here if you have anything else you need to say to me." All of this... even though I didn't really agree with her. But I could tell (from that crazy listening thing!) the whole thing meant more to her than to me so I just tried to be present for her. Totally behind us now. Awesome.