Hi RT, wow, it sounds like your W is really responding to your PMA and acting as if. If you hadn't mentioned how difficult it was for you, I would've complimented you on how positive you seem.

But that's the whole point of being consistent with your 180s. You have to fake it till you make it, as they say, and one day soon you'll realize that you're doing these things as second-nature.

I would be tempted to advise you to proceed with caution as far as 'winning brownie points' by straightening her room, keeping dinner warm, and massaging her shoulders. But it actually seems that your W responds well to your efforts. And since one of the core tenets of DB is 'do what works', I would say that you should keep it up, because she's responding!

I'm wondering, do you know your W's love language? (From Gary Chapman's book "The 5 love languages"?) sounds like she might respond most to "Acts of service".

Keep up the good work and keep acting as if.

M41 W42
M 12 T 15
S10, D9, twin Ds 3 1/2
BD 1/2/2013
Living as roommates
Working on D agreement w. mediator 5/13