Trying to stay in it, keeps getting harder. #3

[in_it]

Hey RealityTrip! Yes that letter was very therapeutic. My C couldn't believe I wrote it with so much dignity & didn't lash out at her. Here's the thing…I don't want to confront her. I just want her to know what he tells me, I want her to know that he lies to her as well, I want her to know I'm pregnant, I want her to know we still sleep in OUR bed TOGETHER every night, and I want her to know I know about her promotion (she specifically asked H not to tell me & he said he wouldn't).

My H is to blame as much or more than her. He has admitted he approached her. While I do think she is in the wrong as well. She knew he was married with a family at home & still accepted his advances & the eventually "fell in love". I say eventually, but really it was instant. Ugh. I discovered the affair 3 weeks in & they were already discussing beach weddings. Fast forward to mid-January & H wasn't so sure about leaving. He has told me that when he started this whole thing there was no way he was staying around, now he can't just leave & is struggling with what to decide to do. He's torn.

I'll post more about your remarks regarding my feelings for not telling H about the twins in a little while. I'm heading to a morning meeting for work now. Don't you just love starting a Friday off with one of those! Joy! I will say you using the word protect is something I haven't thought about until now. Interesting view. I'll elaborate later.

Have a great morning.