Crazy little thing called MLC

[Raine]

Wow. Okay. Wow.

So the worse than affairs: he had sex with ow1. He hasn't had sex with any of the others. Weird. Okay. Because he had only confirmed kissing before. I'm not sure about all this, but I left it alone. He was very serious about only having sex with her and not sure why it would matter to hide the rest if he had. I only thought he had sex with #4 too anyway. I think there is still more, but more of an internal thing with him, not me or OW. At least that's where the hint is.

Seems like he goes with the additonal OW when he and ow1 are broken up, which seems to happen a lot. OWs will be with him because he tells them we are over. He said OW1 stopped talking to him when i announced we were pregnant om FB. Yup. Thats how she found out. (Okay can I tell you how hard it was not to laugh at that point? I know I smiled.) That's when he would have hooked up with #2. So now this is playing into more what I had expected with MLC, that there is usually one main OW and they don't see each other as buddies having sex. I think he is planning future relationship with OW1. Right now they are off.

So I said a lot of very non DB stuff tonight. I was angry. He was mad that " why now." Why not before when he wanted me to get this mad. I'm like why would you do all this and not D. He doesn't know what he wants. of course I'm going to act like this. It's like I'm supposed to just smile and be okay with it all? I attacked ow1. I made threats about him bringing OW1 into the kids lives. I apologized for it, but I think in my heart that is to make the D go smoother. I am still mad as hell. I am not okay with ow1 being near my kids ever.

More past relationship stuff. Ugh that part is so draining. I feel like it's so pointless. Like we are not even talking about us. It's good for me to validate and everything I know, but I absolutely hate it. He brings up all this stuff about me as that is the reason we are divorcing. All the stuff he never communicated about before. Oh and the new one: he never wanted more kids after son#2. Like we keep starting over and we were to a place we could pick up and go easier. Yeah I should have been able to mind read that one right. Should have realized he did not want kids when he plays such a limited role in that.

I told him I would see a lawyer. He kept saying he is only moving because he has to and doesn't want to get stuck somewhere in a contract so rather get his own place. It's not to be with anyone. He's definitely putting out reasons for me not to file. This should be a blessing to him right? I'm going to file. He gets his own place. I just told him it doesn't matter. He is being with ow and legally married to me. He told me he wouldn't do that while we were S. I have no choice no matter what he does.

I rambled a hell of a lot tonight. Yup it all came up. MLC, his 180s saying this is more than marriage issues. Oh my hell I don't even want to type out all the stuff that came up and came spewing out my mouth. 9 months of randomize thoughts.

My mind is numb. But one thing I'm feeling is some relief. I'm taking action and I feel good about it. I can't just stay married to someone openingly cheating on me.