Not sure how to lay down the law. If I tell her that something is unacceptable I get this response text book
"nobody is asking you to stay here"
The only law I could see is ultimatum or make her start owning that she is unwilling to work on the M. Good luck "making her start owning" things...
she does not care about owning things. She has told you this outright, by saying, among other things, she is NOT interested in ANY counselling or meds for her "hormonal" issues (code for batchit crazy but worse at certain times).
I mean it is obvious I need to detach from the behavior as much as possible. yes it is obvious
The fear I have is this snowballing into months. Which I know I have choices. I could leave the home. (I don't want to do this, I love my home and worked my azz off for it)
I could ask her to leave. or live in separate rooms and file and GAL...or just GAL but live separately...I only say this b/c you seem stuck and unable to just get that the only thing that MIGHT MIGHT MIGHT wake her up, is you being prepared to divorce and survive and thrive....yes, without her.
I know my only 2 choices are really detach or divorce. It is that simple. I get it.
True....^^^^ and it's NOT easy but it is NOT complicated. Please remember that we all know it's not easy.
we all know each choice means giving something up. Each is a trade off.
Remember at EE how we talked about how ADULTS know we have to enter one room (ie make a choice) we do NOT get to stand in the doorway Not deciding, forever...?
your wife wants YOU to leave or YOU to file OR YOU to change and blah blah blah
none of it belongs to her.
but the reality is, most of it belongs to her. YOU CANNOT "MAKE HER" SEE that....
I made a call into a counselor today that strictly focuses on ACOA. I'm hoping we can work something out.
B how do you suggest laying the law without oversimplying stating lay the law. My sitch is odd. I have conflict avoident W and I become conflict avoiding out of fear. We are both ACOA. We both go to the reactive brain when communicating. On top of things based on some EE support I am pretty sure she has a mood disorder that I don't ever see her addressing. She also knows my love languages and does not speak to them. Almost perfect storm of crap.
The whole thing is just craziness really. This is same W that was using s e x toys with me 1 1/2 months ago that she introduced and went to a tropical island with me. This whole thing is bat shi t crazy. As many describe roller coaster that I am not liking
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
