Thanks CB and M- man! Not to worry, TVS has picked herself up and dusted herself off
Just another day here in MLC paradise...
Snodderly, you always advise to sit quietly and let the answers come to us. And you are always right!
As you guys know, this trip has been weighing heavy on my mind. Going away with her for five days is definitely upping the ante in their R. Everything about it makes me sick.
I went to yoga last night, which was very much needed! It felt good to sweat and move and breathe.
At the end of every yoga class, we finish up with Dead Man's pose - which is simply laying on your back, closing your eyes, and being still. You are supposed to clear your mind and not think of anything - just breathe.
While I'm laying there last night, a memory popped into my mind. It was a beach trip I had taken with my xbf. I haven't thought about it in years.
Quick summary... Before H, I dated the same guy for many years. We were serious, but he was not interested in M - ever - and was adamant about not having kids. While these things didn't matter so much when I was younger, they began to matter quite a lot as I reached my mid-20's.
Things ended between us, and I started dating H. But a part of me thought - was I right in choosing to end a R after so many years together?
My ex asked me to go away with him for a few days to the beach, and I said yes. I didn't want to hurt H, and wanted to be sure he was the guy I wanted to be with. H was sad that I was going, but told me he hoped I would find what I was looking for.
Well, the whole trip all I couid do was think about H. I couldn't wait to get home to see him. I knew without a doubt, and have known everyday since then, that he was the one for me. I never again had a doubt.
I feel like that memory popping into my mind was a message - that this vacation may not be something that brings them closer, but instead puts another nail in the affair coffin.
Ironically, H tells me this morning that over the next few days he is going to be making some plans for the trip - booking the hotel room, plane ticket, etc. I was totally cool about it, said okay.
I realize that anything could happen. The trip couid bring them closer. Then what?
I do love him enough to give him this opportunity to try to find what he is looking for - which of course is right before is eyes.
In other MLC news, have noticed that H is definitely checking me out more lately. Maybe I'm bringing sexy back, and didn't even know it! Lol!
Good night
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
