I did not want to show her my paystub since we are technically separated. She has no intentions, as of today, on working on our issues. I wasnt comfortable showing her. This is an effort on my part to protect myself in the event of her filing for Separation or D (I do know that my finacial sitch is discoverable in court). I did not show her so I could set up boundaries about financial matters. She has told me that she knows our financial sitch better than I do and that is true with respect to paying the bills. I told her a year ago that the 50% paycut was coming and for whatever reason, we were not able to cut back on spending. Now we are forced to cutback.
Perhaps, not showing her the paystub, is the wrong boundary to establish. Please let me know, beforehand, if I should give her a copy of the paystub. I will not show her until I hear back from one or two of the more experienced DB'ers.
She wants me to act like I am her devout husband (which I am), when she is not acting like my wife. I still love her more than anything and I act "As If" that is the case. I am fixing all the things that I can about me that will let her see that she would be a fool to leave me. I feel that it IS "too little too late" and she has said the same. So I will move forward with my life as if she is not coming back, to protect myself. My hopes and prayers are that we will be able to work out our issues in a positive way that will allow us to find each other again and make our M and R better and stronger.
I will keep acting "As If" as long as it takes or until I decide I have had enough. I know she is stressed out about what has happened to our M and R. I know she is stressed out about what this will do to the kids and her parents and the rest of her family.
I am new to this and I thank all of you for your critques on the way I am handling this sitch. Please keep the constructive criticism coming. Sometimes I need a 2X4 smacked upside my head for me to get it. If any of you run out of 2X4's let me know. I will give you another. LOL
I do not blame her for this. This crisis is something that we both had a hand in creating and right now, I do my very best to make her feel that I am not blaming her. As you all very well know, she blames me for everything. I accept that. She feels hurt and scared and I try to relate to her that I understand that.
And finally, thank you Papa4. I give all posts from this forum serious thought. I know I dont understand all of what is going on with my crisis and how to manage it. That is why I am so thankful for all of you helping me and all of us who ask for your sage advice.
Without this forum and the help of more experienced DB'ers like yourselves, I would be utterly lost on how to cope with this crisis. Thank you all so very much.
